Monday, October 05, 2009

He Wants Her to Do Things He's Not Willing to Do For Her

Dear Terry-

I am dating a nice guy, but I AM feeling a big BUT here.

I don't know why. Something just doesn't feel right about all this for me. I can't put my finger on it. You would think after dating him exclusively for for five months, my opinion would change. The sex life is so-so, not fantastic. There are things he wants me to do that he won't do for me! (I've discussed this with my doctor and he suggests that I don't do these things, either!)

I am entrepreneurial, motivated, driven and focused. He is not. He is semi-retired and has a great (according to him) pension.


Dear Uncertain-

I have a big problem with any man or woman who expects a partner to perform any act (even if it only involves hanging curtains) that they are unwilling to do in return.

No. No. No!

Both parties in a relationship should be treating the other person as they'd like to be treated themselves.

If something doesn't feel right, guess what? It probably isn't right. You're entrepreneurial, and your comment about this guy's "great (according to him) pension" indicates that you're not thrilled with his lifestyle. So why twist your own arm into continuing the relationship?

You say he's a nice guy, but how nice is he really when he expects you to do things for him that wouldn't even consider doing for you?


Derek said...

He may be a nice guy but that does not mean he isn't selfish as well. relationships are not a 50-50 proposition, in this day and age they need to be 100-100% committment for them to survive.

The Singlutionary said...

Sounds like you've got your shit together and he is a lump on a log. Trust me, I've been there. I attract lumps on logs because I am a whole forest of ideas and a river of motivation and lumps think they can get a free ride.

S. said...

Yeah, I would never be in a relationship with someone who would treat me differently then the way he wants to be treated. That's not a good way to Start Love or keep love going! Maybe she should sit down and talk about it with him.