Friday, July 31, 2009

Radiating 'Specialness' to Attract Men

Hi Terry,

I love reading your somewhat daily e-mails and respect your opinion and advice. However, I recently located to a new city and state and have no idea what and where the hot spots are. Therefore, I am tempted to explore on-line dating. Do you have an opinion or any advice on creating profiles that radiate specialness and good qualities? Thanks. -A.

Hi, A.-

Internet dating is a great way to meet new people, but before you do anything, it's imperative that you know what kind of man you hope to meet before you sign up for any service.

This means sitting down and asking yourself, "What qualities does a man need for me to be a) attracted to him (very important) and b) joyful and happy in a relationship?"

A recently divorced woman did just this, perused the Internet profiles for a while, and ended up being introduced to a guy who met the most important specifications she came up with before she even joined a service. They're dating very happily, and things are looking very good for this relationship!

Does this mean you'll write a list, and Prince Charming will pop out of thin air? No, but it does mean you'll be much more likely to recognize him when he does show up. (And, because you're conditioning your subconscious to believe this man exists and is part of your life, it means he's MUCH more likely to show up.)

Writing a list worked for this woman, and it worked for me and countless others.

After you've written the list of qualities HE should have, write a list of YOUR very best qualities. Are you attractive? Well, so is just about everybody else writing a profile (or so they claim). Are you kind? Honest? Funny?

Okay, now we're getting somewhere. Are you athletic or bookish (or both?) Be specific about what you're looking for, as well:

"Kind-hearted, attractive woman who loves laughing, white-water rafting, and good wine seeks honest, fun-loving man for adventure and possible LTR."

And, remember, just because you're in a new state doesn't mean you won't meet a great guy at the dry cleaner's, the supermarket, or the post office. If your new town has a popular coffee house, become a regular there (our local cafe features a free jazz night, and it's hugely popular with people of all ages).

But, before you leave the house, do write that list. It can make the difference between success and failure in meeting Mr. Right!


Sarah Jane said...

Okay, but how do you radiate specialness? You never said!

Jokah Macpherson said...

"Awkward ectomorph with a razor sharp wit and a Tom Cruise smile seeks pretty young thang with the sublime intellect required to appreciate his jokes and maybe put him in his place once in a while. Liking sex is a plus, as is an affinity for financial audits."

Something along those lines (from the female perspective) and you should be fine.

As Terry points out, with your online dating profile you need to worry more about the kind of person you're going to attract since you can't really get a sense for appearances until you meet someone in person and have to rely more on clues into personality based on a profile.

If you're new to a city you might also try social networking groups based in the city. If you live in at least a moderately sized city you can probably find a group via a web search whose purpose is social networking for those new to the city. You probably won't stay best friends with people you meet there but you can establish some social contacts and maybe find out where the "hot spots" are.

Vietnamese Girl said...

Online dating has becoming the fastest way to meet people that could be our potential match. Having a standout profile is really important to draw attentions from potential singles. There are hundreds of personal ads advices given in the net if you want to gather more information. But remember, be honest when writing one.