Thursday, June 25, 2009

He Said He Loved Her, and Then He Said He Didn't Know

Dear Terry,

I need your suggestion and help. I love a guy I met through Internet.
In the beginning, I was not serious about him. He said he loved me. We are talking from around two months, and now sometimes he says he has never felt love, and then sometimes he says he loves me.

I'm having my exams after this week, and I am disturbed. I don't know what to do because I am serious about him. I haven't told anyone about this matter, so if you can help me, I will be very thankful.

- He Loves Me, Loves Me Not

Dear Loves Me-

First off, good luck with your exams. Concentrate on those exams!

Whenever a person tells you he loves you and soon after tells you he's never "felt love," it's time to reconsider his potential as a boyfriend. He's a sad character. He also could be a number of other things, including manipulative, wishy-washy, inconsiderate of others' feelings, or just plain lost.

You deserve better than this.

Furthermore, you mentioned that you weren't serious about him at first, but (if I'm reading this right) that you fell for him after he told you he loved you. A lot of us do this; a man tells us he loves us, and we look for reasons to return his affection because -- who knows? -- he might be our last chance.

But, until this guy gets his act together, I'd walk away, focus on my exams and my future, read a few good books, and decide to enjoy life. Remember the Golden Rule: "Treat others as you would have them treat you." Ask yourself, "Would I tell a man I loved him, and then turn around and tell him I'd never 'felt' love before?"

If the answer is no, ask yourself why you are allowing an individual who won't afford you the same consideration to hold such power over you. Life is too short for this nonsense.

I'll say it again: You deserve better.



Anonymous said...

Dear lm, lm not,

An emotional see-saw ! Only if you love the game !

Before you continue on the see-saw till you get tired, take charge,place your feet on ground and you'll meet a man who'll walk with you holding your hands, than the one who takes you up one second, and drops you down the next !

Don't buy into the concept where you think, wow he was so unsure of me, and I persisted hard and now he may agree for good for once !

Infact even he may even lose respect if you stick with him for a long time, playing in accordance with his see-saw ! Emotional see-saw isn't a healthy game !

Good Luck !

Jokah Macpherson said...

Any man who tells you he loves you before a deep, close, personal relationship has already materialized is a loser and is doing so in the mistaken assumption that this will make you love him back. Your own ambivalence should answer the question of the effectiveness of this method.