A reader asked for clarification on a previous post:
Does the "calling ritual" change if the man has a full plate (deaths, family illness, and depressed friends)?
Keep this in mind, Anonymous:
When in doubt, treat a man as you would have him treat you, and if he's not treating you as you would treat him, it's time to reconsider the relationship.
At the end of the day, everybody needs a friend. If a guy you've been seeing is going through a tough time, absolutely check in on him.
Ask him how he's doing. Tell him you're available if he wants to talk. After you hang up, wait and see if he takes you up on it.
The calling ritual, as far as I'm concerned, is give and take. For example, if he says he'll call, let him call. If you say you'll call, call. Then let him call next time.
(Some women call and call and call, never giving a guy a chance to call them. They confuse a series of text messages with a relationship. This is a mistake.)
Be willing to care, but you have to be willing to let the guy show you he cares, too.
The writer of the letter to which I responded wants to pursue a commitment on the fourth date. I wouldn't want anybody asking me for a commitment on the fourth date.
Whether a guy or a girl does the asking on a fourth date, it's usually too early. I mean, how well do you know a person on a fourth date? For all you know, the person may harbor repellent political views (or worse).
I'd definitely progress with a "this is fun, but let's wait and see how it goes" attitude.
If I led you to believe that the man should always be in the driver's seat, I'm sorry.
That's definitely not my philosophy!