Thursday, January 24, 2008

She Wants to Wait Until Marriage

Dear Terry,

I've read your book, and I always enjoy reading your blog. I am single now.

My question is: What are pros and cons of abstaining from sex until marriage since I believe is the right thing to do? Is it possible that if he truly loves you he will wait until then? Is it really possible in today's world?

Thank you for your wonderful insight in your daily blog.

-A Fresh Start

Dear Fresh-

Thanks for writing and for your comments.

Since I've experienced the Law of Attraction, I do indeed believe it's possible to attract what you want. You want a man who's willing to wait to have sex until marriage, so bring that man to life in your imagination. What would you do together, for example? Where would you go? How would you feel in the arms of such a person?

Write an ideal scene of the two of you having fun together and bring it to life in your mind several times every day.

I guess the biggest pro of having sex before marriage is getting to know what you're getting before you marry it. However, many people who abstained from premarital sex later report fantastic sex after they wed, so who knows?

The cons? Well, in your case, you'd be compromising your values, and that's no small thing. You must remain true to yourself. Surely, on this planet of 6,602,224,175 humans, a man exists who feels the same way you do.



Seduction Diva said...

I'll be perfectly honest here. I was not a virgin before I got married.

I don't believe there is anything wrong with waiting until marriage for sex. Men are sexually driven. They were wired that way to ensure survival.

I believe a lot of women have sex too early in relationships. I've been there myself - it causes heart ache. Usually the woman is the one left feeling blue.

The thing is that from a man's point of view a woman only has her body to give a man.So after she's done that she's given him everything already. Plus there's also the whole chemicalization thing to consider. Once you've had sex with him you've chemically bonded. This is something a lot of people don't think about and something I only discovered late in life.

It all depends on you and I do agree with Terry. Out of all the people on this earth there is a man who feels the same way you do. Make a picture exactly of the kind of man you want and feel those qualities he has.

Terry said...

Thanks for weighing in, SD.

The thing is, women are sexually driven, too, so if a woman wants to wait until marriage it really does help to be with a guy who's on the same page. It's tough enough suppressing your own desires, let alone somebody else's!

I've heard the theory about chemical bonding among people who sleep together, but I'm not sure if I can get my head around it. How does it explain sex workers, for example?

I think women have been socialized that sex for them is wrong, and that sex for men is natural. A lot of women "guilt themselves" into attaching themselves emotionally to a man they've had sex with for that reason alone.

But that's just my theory.

Claudia said...

Hi Terry,

Sorry but I despise nicknames my name is Claudia for real so I'll just skip the Seduction Diva part from now on.

Yeah I know it's just unfortunate that women have been raised to believe it's wrong for them to feel horny. They do and they should. I just think that men feel it differently, they feel it physically and a women tends to get that feeling when she's emotional about him. Sure women also get those feelings. But my experience of talking with women has led me to believe they look for sex to fill a feeling of wanting to be in a man's arms - love and acceptance type thing where as men just want to get their rocks off.

As far as the sex workers thing goes I've read that they do not kiss because that could cause emotional bonding. So basically sex workers get straight down to business without getting emotional to save them selves from falling in love and getting hurt I suppose.

The chemical bonding is what happens when a man and women exchange bodily fluids. He has his juices in you and you have his in him. That's why people get addicted to each other on a sexual level. That's when that whole chemistry bang goes off. Women stay with men that are bad for them just because the sex is so wild. Don't I just know? Ahem, been there done that. (Now my man is good in bed and a nice guy too)

The thing is sex can be good with any one you like even if at first it doesn't really work out. Women should just be brave enough to say what they like and men can invest in a good sex book. So I guess for those patient and moral enough you can wait until marraige to have sex for the first time.

And I like you am a firm believer of the Law of Attraction!

Ruby said...

Alot of interesting studies are being done the subject of chemical bonding, specifically involving Oxytocin. From Wikipedia:

Oxytocin (ŏk'sĭ-tō'sĭn) (Greek: "quick birth") is a mammalian hormone that also acts as a neurotransmitter in the brain. In women, it is released in large amounts after distension of the cervix and vagina during labor, and after stimulation of the nipples, facilitating birth and breastfeeding, respectively.

In humans, oxytocin is thought to be released during hugging, touching, and orgasm in both sexes. In the brain, oxytocin is involved in social recognition and bonding, and may be involved in the formation of trust between people and generosity.

But I wonder: How important is sex to you? If you're already not a virgin anyway, why have you decided to wait?