Work and the Office Lothario

Lately I'm receiving letters from women who've fallen victim to a lothario at the office. The dude showered them with attention. He made numerous offers to run out to Starbucks and get them a coffee, and so on. Flirtation by email followed. Romance ensued.

Then, suddenly, it all stopped. The man ceased all contact. The women, not knowing what they did wrong, struggled to regain his affection. And failed.

They write to me asking what they can do next.

Here's my answer:

Return the guy's lack of interest in kind. Do not, under any circumstances, walk past his desk, email him, or do anything to get his attention. Avoid him at all costs. If you happen to run into him in the hall or at a meeting, keep your back straight and conversation to a minimum.

If he didn't have the courtesy to speak to you before ending the relationship, he doesn't warrant your time. If he did have the courtesy to speak to you, then take him at his word. Terminate any campaign to change his mind.

Repeat after me:

It's his loss.
It's his loss.
It's his loss.

There are bigger fish in the sea.

Forget George Clooney...

I like a man I can sink my teeth into. For instance:

1. Joaquin Phoenix
2. Mark Ruffalo
3. Stephen Colbert
4. Lewis Black

None of them is leading-man handsome, but they all possess a certain (and attractive) intelligence. A sense of humor goes a long way, too.

In unrelated news: The recent torture killing of a young grad student in New York City has completely freaked me out. It underscores the sad fact that just because a woman thinks she knows somebody (in this case, the bouncer in the bar where she was hanging out) or the man seems to be in a position of some authority, it doesn't mean he's a good person.

If you're going to hang out in a bar, go with a friend and go home with a friend. No exceptions. If you meet a guy who has great potential, plan to meet him again in a neutral location. Remember what your parents told you when you were five: Don't get into a car with a stranger.

He probably wouldn't end up strangling you with your pantyhose, but why would you ever risk it?

Stop the Madness. God is Watching!

Nicholas Kristof of the New York Times continues to write of the horrors facing ordinary citizens in Darfur. These people go through life waiting for rapists and murderers to descend upon them, and there's nothing they can do about it.

Can you imaging popping the Gorton's fish sticks into the oven and wondering if tonight is the night your children will be raped and killed? I can't fathom what it would be like to live in that constant state of terror.

Few Americans are aware of this genocide. It's strange; we still talk about the horrors of the Holocaust and ask how it ever was even allowed to happen, yet something similar is going on in Africa, and the networks have turned their backs on it.

That will change tomorrow, fortunately. NBC will broadcast Ann Curry's coverage of the ongoing massacre, but ABC and CBS have yet to step up.

We (you and me) can help the people of Darfur by sending a postcard to President Bush and telling him to put his foot down.

For other ideas, check out Ten Things You Can Do Right Now.

Teri Hatcher's "Startling Confession"

Teri didn't actually "confess" that she was sexually abused as a child. Confession implies guilt, and she was the victim-- not the perpetrator-- of the vilest sort of crime.

According to the Vanity Fair writer who interviewed Hatcher, the Desperate Housewives actress is making the story public only to help other children who find themselves in similar situations.

Which I respect.

What I don't respect is the media sexing this story up for ratings. The only person who needs to confess is the trusted male relative who abused her for his own pathetic purposes.

Project Misogyny

My new hero, Guy Trebay of The New York Times, wrote about a bunch of losers who still haven't gotten over the girls who dumped them in high school.

Stumbled upon a "Christian" website today that tells why it's the woman's responsibility to agree to have sex with her husband even if she's not into it, and why it's her responsibility again to turn him on when he's not into it.

My favorite tip?

"Buy (or make) panties that tie on the sides - you can untie and remove them discreetly in a theater or at a restaurant table."

I must have been out sick the day the nuns addressed that subject.

You Can Meet Men and Get Married

The following is my response to a young woman who responded to my previous post, in which I promised to answer questions about meeting men:

Just when I thought I'd run out of things to write about meeting men and attracting happy relationships, you come along and remind me why I ever started doing this.

I checked out the gorgeous, compelling, thought-provoking photographs on your Flickr account and was blown away. Beautiful, beautiful stuff!

My thoughts about normal young women who don't date: Well, one of the captions on your photos says it all. You say you struggle with being comfortable with yourself. Men pick up on that.

Look, you're an attractive woman. You may not be TV thin, but who is? Furthermore, you're right; lots of overweight women get married, have no trouble getting dates, etc. They feel good about themselves, and so does everybody else.

And then there are the thin, pretty girls who don't feel comfortable about themselves and wonder if people are only interested in them because they fit the current beauty standard. If they were to be disfigured in an accident, would all the attention they've come to expect and enjoy suddenly evaporate?

Understand that you are not alone in the struggle to be comfortable with yourself (most of us are in it to a degree). At one point in my life, the men I attracted were pretty substandard (they picked up on my feelings of inadequacy like a radio signal). And then there were times when I just didn't attract any men at all.

And then, after a guy broke up with me because, as he said, "I was a treasure yet to be discovered," I decided to treat myself as a treasure yet to be discovered. I decided that I deserved love, affection, and to be treated well. And guess what? Once I adopted this mindset, I started to attract more-- and better-- men. I simply didn't have time for the losers.

You must hold yourself in very high regard to attract attention and good treatment from others!

Easier said than done, right? Well, Louise Hay recommends that you repeat the following affirmation at least 30 times a day:

"I love and approve of myself."

Chances are, you'll feel like a complete jackass the first few days you do it, but keep it up. (If you're really brave, you can say it in front of a mirror. Look yourself in the eye). After a couple of weeks, something inside you will start to shift. You'll notice that you're attracting better things.

You also might want to write a list of all the things you have going for you. What do you have to offer? It really helps to know. Keep the list in your wallet, where you can refer to it often.

Furthermore, it wouldn't hurt to check out Jennifer Weiner's blog (http://jenniferweiner.blogspot.com/). She, as you may know, is the author of the very successful novel "In Her Shoes" and once struggled with body image.

She's feeling pretty good about herself today, is happily married, has a child, and is probably rolling in money. Scroll down to the second post, which addresses "American Idol" and the Mandisa issue. Mandisa is the very talented singer who was rebuked by Simon Cowell for being overweight.