Wednesday, May 26, 2010

What to Do When He Says He Doesn't Want a Relationship

Thanks to the women who've brought the following subject to my attention, and thanks to Jeff Mac and Adam for inspiring this article.

At least three men have told me exactly what you must do when a guy
tells you he doesn't want (or isn't ready) for a relationship:

Believe him.

Here's the thing: A certain type of guy will tell a woman he doesn't
want a relationship. Then, instead of doing the honorable thing and
making himself scarce, he'll continue to hang around and take
what he can get.

The woman, in the meantime, tells herself a) he must care for her
more than he's willing to admit because he's hanging around, and
b) he'll change his mind and commit to her.

The thing is, he wasn't kidding. He doesn't want a relationship,
and when he finally decides he does, it's usually with someone

The men I talked to said they all had friends who've pulled this stunt
and didn't feel guilty about it. They felt they'd been honest when
they announced they didn't want a relationship. The fact that
the woman continued to go along with things was her choice.

If you're in this situation, please get out. Please. Please. Get
out before you get hurt.

Make yourself busy. Make yourself scarce. Go out with old friends.
Make new friends. Start writing the novel, knitting the sweater,
planting the garden you've been putting off.

Also, it's much easier to forget a guy when you have others to
choose from (it's really hard to move on when you think the guy
you were with was THE only one for you. Get out and meet new

Seriously, hold out for a better man. He's out there, and you deserve him.


Adam said...

You did a good job in explaining the perspective of the guy and the girl.

It is really easy to fall into both sides of thinking and i have found that both the girl and guy will often have no clue what the other person was thinking to lead them to become upset or feel ok about it all.

It may be a good idea not to judge a guy or girl who is victim to this too harshly as it is usually beyond a person's awareness and from what i have seen rarely finds its way into view as both sides keep their thinking to themselves.

Another interesting note is that I have seen this with the roles reversed, so its not just a gender specific occurrence. In the particular case the guy wanted a relationship and the girl was certain she did not but still wanted to fool around and do somewhat relationshipy type things. It ended the same as described above just the roles reversed.

Great post :)

Jancie said...

Awesome Post. What you say is so true. I found out that the hard way. Keep up the good work!