Thanks to the women who've brought the following subject to my attention, and thanks to Jeff Mac and Adam for inspiring this article.
At least three men have told me exactly what you must do when a guy
tells you he doesn't want (or isn't ready) for a relationship:
Here's the thing: A certain type of guy will tell a woman he doesn't
want a relationship. Then, instead of doing the honorable thing and
making himself scarce, he'll continue to hang around and take
what he can get.
The woman, in the meantime, tells herself a) he must care for her
more than he's willing to admit because he's hanging around, and
b) he'll change his mind and commit to her.
The thing is, he wasn't kidding. He doesn't want a relationship,
and when he finally decides he does, it's usually with someone
The men I talked to said they all had friends who've pulled this stunt
and didn't feel guilty about it. They felt they'd been honest when
they announced they didn't want a relationship. The fact that
the woman continued to go along with things was her choice.
If you're in this situation, please get out. Please. Please. Get
out before you get hurt.
Make yourself busy. Make yourself scarce. Go out with old friends.
Make new friends. Start writing the novel, knitting the sweater,
planting the garden you've been putting off.
Also, it's much easier to forget a guy when you have others to
choose from (it's really hard to move on when you think the guy
you were with was THE only one for you. Get out and meet new
Seriously, hold out for a better man. He's out there, and you deserve him.