Monday, March 01, 2010

A Guy With a Girlfriend is Not Good Boyfriend Material

Hi Terry,

Thanks for all your emails. Recently I started dating this guy that I really love, but he told me he had a girlfriend at the beginning of the relationship. He tells me he loves so much, and from time to time he puts me through tests, and I end up always failing his test.

I have tried to explain to him that am human and he can't put me through an emotional test and expect me to pass. He tells me on different occasions that I should be patient with him when I ask for commitment. I really love this guy, but recently I told him to give me a break, and he replied, "Baby, you are toooooo impatient. Well, if you want to call it off. It's okay. I appreciate you." This happened last Sunday and since then, he has called me, b ut we didn't really talk towards the relationship. I don't want to lose this guy. I really love him.

What do I do?

-Tested


Dear Tested-

You can't lose this guy because you never really had him. Whenever a man tells you he has a girlfriend, the correct response is, "Why are you talking to me?" Then walk away and stay away. You are not the first woman to make the mistake of falling for an unavailable man, and you won't be the last.

This guy sounds like a complete player. Please do call it off with him. Stop seeing him immediately. Stop taking his calls. Fill your calendar with fun activities and people who love you and make you laugh.

Yeah, I know you're attracted to this guy, and you don't think you can do it, but you can. Anyway, what kind of a future can you expect with a man who runs around on his girlfriend? If he likes you as much as he claims, what's the hold up? Why hasn't he been honest and ended it with her?

He's not honest. That's the problem.

And about these 'tests' he puts you through: What's up with that? It's not healthy behavior.

Please open yourself to the very real possibility that there's someone out there who's eager to treat you like gold. How does that make you feel? Happy? Or does it scare the heck out of you? Are you willing to make yourself available to a man who truly appreciates you and never lets you forget it?

If not, why not?

Please give this serious thought.

1 comment:

Dennis Miedema said...

As a dating coach for men I agree with the advice you´ve been given but from a different perspective.

That´s why I want to share it with you.

Women love the thrill of the kill just as much as men do. The excitement of the chase fills your body with adrenaline...

And if someone seems unavailable, if someone is hard to get? The chase just got more difficult = more exciting for most people!

You realize that your mind is playing tricks on you now?

You want what you can´t have and the fact that he rejects you makes you want him even more.

But he´s playing around with your feelings.

I´m not saying you should never talk to him again, but I have a question for you:

If he´s already playing your feelings and giving you false hope now, what will happen when he is yours?

Trust me: then it will only be the beginning of the games. And unless you´re really confident, don´t start playing a game you can´t win.

Finding someone else is better for you right now.

To More Dating Success,

Dennis Miedema
Win With Women