Tuesday, June 09, 2009

She Needs Him Like a Hole in the Head

Dear Terry-

Would like your advice. Recently my dream man has broken it off after six months together. In the beginning, he treated me very well, but around a month or two later, he said he wasn't in love with me and started to treat me badly. He was very bad tempered with me.

I really love this man, but now he has no feelings at all for me, and he also has another object of his affection already. Is there any chance to make this man come back to me again? Do you have any techniques I could use?

Now he's avoiding me, doesn't call or message. But really miss him. The worst of it is we work together. So I have to see him. Is there any way to pull him back?

I really need your help.

-He Made Me Feel Things

Dear He Made You-

Let me get this straight: You want me to tell you how to get back with a man who treated you badly, who avoids you, and was "bad tempered" with you.

Sorry, but I won't do it.

You deserve better, and the only person who doesn't know that yet is you.

You think you miss this guy, but you don't. You said he treated you well in the beginning, and that's what you miss. You miss those feelings you got when you spent time with him at the start of your relationship, when he was kind and affectionate and good to you.

Think of this man as a faucet. At one point, the faucet delivered pure, sweet, wholesome, and nourishing water. Then something went wrong in the pipes, and the faucet started spewing rusty, poisonous, undrinkable water.

It's time to stop drinking from this faucet.

Of course it's difficult that you encounter this man at work every day, but here's what you do: You wave, smile, and keep walking. If you need to talk to him about business, keep the conversation strictly business. Get the information you need, smile, and walk away.

Do not let a disappointing relationship get in the way of your livelihood.

In the meantime, work on developing the self-regard that will help you attract a consistently loving man (not a guy who loves you one minute and not the next). I recommend the excellent book, You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. It can help you do it.


Michelle said...

Hi Terry,

Thanks for posting this advice today. I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years because he said that he couldn't trust himself to not cheat on me. Yes you have read right. He also said he wasn't sure if he loved me 100%. So at first I got mad, then I dumped him. As for your kind reader. Terry is so right! You deserve so much better! Let him be someone else's headache. That idiot did you the favor of letting you go before it got too messy.

Love your blog,

Anonymous said...

So true Terry..great advice. I wonder about the smiling, waving thing though. I had a man treat me like this once, and I decided not to give him the benefit of my smile. Why smile at someone who has treated you badly? I see this man 2 or 3 times a week. I don't work with him, but we live in the same suburb, so I run into him frequently at my local cafe, the supermarket..the local park walking the family mutt..you get the idea ....and I decided early on that a man that treats me with disrespect never has the pleasure of seeing my smile again. I have chosen not to expend any energy on him at all. And he knows it :)