Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Twelve Springtime Tips for Meeting Men

Spring can be a brilliant time to meet new men. People are clicking off the remote and getting out of the house again. Here are 12 tips for meeting a guy who'll make you happy you clicked off yours:

1. Write a list of the qualities you don't want in a man (for good material, think about your old boyfriends).

2. Turn it around and write the qualities you do want.

3. Read this list three times a day. Visualize yourself with such a person. Bring up the emotions you'd feel being with him.

4. Go where men go. Become a regular face there. Sign up for sailing lessons or fishing trips. Show up at readings at your local bookstore. Spend Sunday afternoons enjoying a cocktail at an outdoor restaurant. Find something you like to do and do it. Become a regular. Much more important, become a friend.

(NOTE: This does not mean you should pretend to love fishing if you hate it; it means you should do things that you like to do -- or would like to try --that men tend to like to do.)

5. Dress appropriately. For instance, wear sportswear instead of low-cut dresses to sports bars. You'd be shocked how many smart women try to get attention by looking overly sexy, but they strike others as being 'on the make.' As a result, they attract guys on the make. Look pretty, but blend in with the crowd.

6. Avoid singles-only events. They draw creeps like ants to a picnic.

7. Accept invitations to family barbecues, christenings, and weddings. You never know when someone will bring along a new face. (I did tell you the one about the woman who met her future husband at her own sister's dinner table, didn't I? Her brother had brought along a new friend and romance ensued.) Do not allow yourself to be held hostage by smug married people who imply you're defective because you're single, or who yammer on endlessly about their children's achievements.

8. Spend time with old female friends and make new ones (women friends are a good source for making new men friends).

9. Get out of your car. Take mass transit. Walk. Wait on line for a bank teller instead of whizzing into the drive-thru.

10. Smile at people. Most humans (the ones worth getting to know, anyway) will smile back.

(NOTE: This tip doesn't always work in large urban areas like London or New York City, where you could be mistaken for a crazy person. It does work almost everywhere else.)

11. Learn to flirt. This does not mean batting your eyelashes like a big dummy. Women who are successful with men are not necessarily beautiful, but they do know how to talk to them.

12. Take a second job. If you like people and could use extra cash wait tables, preferably in a restaurant that caters to successful people. A friend of mine met her affluent husband this way. Fifteen years later, they have two children and two beautiful homes. (They're also wild about each other.) The musician Phil Lesh didn't end up with one of the thousands of fans he met during his career with the Grateful Dead. He married the waitress who served him breakfast in a coffee shop near his home (lest you fret that his wife still serves him, his autobiography mentions that Phil washes dishes and used to drive his children to school). He has been married for more than 20 years.

The world is full of wonderful men, so please do back away from Rock of Love Bus with Bret Michaels. Determine the qualities you want in your wonderful man. Bring him to life in your imagination. Then put yourself in places where you're likely to meet him.


Sassy said...

Terry, I always appreciate your super-positive side! Thanks for all the words of wisdom!

However, I would like to disagree about the "avoid singles only events." I joined a 30s/40s MeetUp group of Singles in my hometown for the purpose of meeting people in my age (not just men) and in my single position. They had a great group of all kinds of people who did everything from happy hour to picnics to charity work at the Food Bank.

At my first meeting (playing pool), I met my now BF. We were just casual friends for almost a year from our meeting and he even dated one of the other girls in the group for a little while. We stayed in touch and he approached me to try a romantic relationship after a while. We've now been dating for over a year, are very happy and still enjoy some of the MeetUp events.

You might also be interested to know that about 3 months before BF approached me to date, I DID write down all the qualities I wanted and read it every day!


Terry said...

Hello, Sassy!

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with the MeetUp group. The activities alone sound fabulous.

And I always appreciate A testimonial on the power of writing down those qualities. If only more people would sit down and just DO IT....

cameronsharpe said...

These are the good tips in this busy world with hectic work load and stress these is were we can get relief and work out for relationships and find our right partner to live together rest of life. Hey thats a great idea, in this busy world you can get in touch with your loved ones.

Ronnie Ann Ryan - The Dating Coach said...

Hi Terry, Great post today. Inspiring spring time ideas and plenty of 'em! Lately, I've been literally begging my clients to simply start talking to people. No one bites and usually men welcome a woman who is friendly and breaks the ice. Not much to lose, but so much to gain from being friendly.

love conquers all said...

I think you forgot one very important thing. You should take stock of your personal interests (hobbies etc). You should focus and center around these things that make you happy and then by chance you may meet someone who shares your interest. I have always found that the key to a successful relationship is to have common interests among other things. That way your always having some fun together.

Anonymous said...

Good ideas, but I must take issue with your remarks about smiling not working in places like London or New York. That is an unfair stereotype to be sure (and dare I say, catty remark), and I'm sure discouraging and insulting to people who live in those cities. I have found Londoners and New Yorkers to be quite friendly and warm if you break the ice.

If you believe city people are unfriendly, you will ATTRACT unfriendly city people, RIGHT???
If you believe that smiling works (which it does with human beings), it will work. OF COURSE.

Terry said...

Sorry if I offended you.

It was a joke. I grew up in New York City and lived for a number of years on Long Island.

I've been to London many times and count it among my favorit places.

Terry said...

To Love Conquers-

Yep. You're absolutely right. Thanks for the catch. ;)