Thursday, April 23, 2009

Secrets of a Happy Marriage

There's a lot to glean from a New York Times 'State of the Unions' interview with Andrea Perlbinder and Garth Stein, a married couple whose wedding the reporter, Lois Smith Brady, covered in 1993.

I especially liked the couple's attitudes about marriage:

“For one thing, Ms Stein said, she still believes doubts are the most corrosive thing to a relationship. So they don’t indulge in them. 'If there’s any doubt — the minute you throw the ‘but’ in — you’re throwing in enough energy to make it a struggle,” she said. “There can’t be any ‘buts’ basically.'

Also, there cannot be any lies. 'Be honest, maybe brutally honest,' Mr. Stein said. 'I think honesty is the key to all relationships. If you’re pretending, it’s just the same as with writing: you can see it in two sentences.'

I like the way they work together to solve problems. Two of their children suffered from food allergies, and the couple moved heaven and earth to resolve them. They eventually succeeded, but until then, Mr. Stein said, "“Every time we went to a kids’ party, we had to bake our own cupcakes.”

I really like that "we" and "our" stuff. "We" and "our" stuff goes a long way in building a happy, healthy, and lasting relationship.

Check out the rest of their story here.


Jokah Macpherson said...

I like their comments on rocks. It is a stupid tradition for women to expect a diamond engagement ring when a man commits to her. My dad did not purchase my mom an engagement ring yet they have been happily married 35 years.

cameronsharpe said...

Looking for Love
Looking for short term or long term relationship to the opposite sex you must be trust yourself and ask anything about her/him. Make sure you love him/her when it comes to relationship. You may stick to one person and understand her or him vice versa. Show your feelings, give your time so that your relationship will last. When it comes to relationship, age doesn’t matter but if its up to you if you fight your love/feelings to her or him.

searchingwithin said...

"doubts are the most corrosive thing to a relationship"

So true. Thoughts become things, in my opinion. Once you start having doubts, then you begin hunting for valid reasons to back up those doubts, rather than appreciating the good things, and it's all down hill from there.

dadshouse said...

Isn't it funny how daily struggles with a partner can become the normal mode of stimulation. Keeping out the "buts" and focusing on "us" is much healthier. Nice post