Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Dumping a Bad Boy

The writer of the following email didn't ask for advice and probably doesn't need any. She's figured things out very well on her own:

Dear Terry:

I am coming out of a relationship which did nothing but take away from me. It's been six months since I left him. We got married two years ago, and he wasn't working then. He still isn't. Every job he finds, he loses. The longest he stays at a job is three months.

I took up responsibilities in terms of paying for all bills because I believed then that was the right thing to do. What did he do in return? He relaxed and stopped looking for a job. What he started looking for and finding were girls. He could change girls like shirts. When I was six months pregnant, he lied to me that he was visiting an aunt in another town for a week. That week turned to a month, and it just so happened that he wasn't even visiting his aunt. He was living with another girl.

When I found out I was so hurt, I almost had a miscarriage. However, I pulled though and delivered safely (thank God). Since the baby was born, he has had five other different girlfriends. I called it quits because I didn't want to have anything to do with him. It's been six months and I don't even miss him. I don't call him, and I consider him a closed chapter in my life, never to be reopened again. Now, he has no money, he can't keep a job, and he has no place to call home.

I've learnt lessons through that experience:

1. I will never enter into any relationship because I feel sorry for a guy. The guy has to show his worth.
2. Once a guy is a loser, chances are he will probably never change. He will forever remain a loser. No need to stick with him. All he will ever do is take from you and deplete you.
3. The power to decide the kind of relationship I want depends entirely on me. I decide what kinds of men should or should not come in my life.
4. Never enter a relationship where from Day One, the woman pays the bills. Some men will take that for granted and expect the woman to do that her entire life.
5. A man has to show his worth (worth repeating).
6. A man who cannot remember your birthdays or special days should be dumped immediately. No need to keep hoping he will change because he won't.
7. Better to be uncommitted to anyone and happy than to be committed to someone and be miserable.
8. Forgive yourself for past mistakes and move on.
9. Don't call the guy you've broken up with. Consider him a closed chapter never to be reopened. He belongs to the past.
10. Live each day with renewed hope that the best is yet to come.
11. When you feel alone, pray and find confidence in God
12. Keep hoping, keep loving, and keep believing.


Dear Redeemed-

Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and experience. It's a sad commentary that a man like this can attract women he changes like shirts. Here's hoping they see the light.

All the very best to you and your little one.


Anonymous said...

Dearest Redeemed

I must admit as I began to read your letter I thought what is this an advert for Springer?? Then I read of the lessons you have learned and whilst my own life does not quite measure up to the Springer expose! I began to think how lucky your are to have learned what you have I began reading lessons 1 and 2 and thought yeah duh and then from lesson 3 onwards I thought this women is on top of her game I can learn here and power to you for being where you are…I long to have the strength and power you express in the lesson you have learned. GO GIRL!!

Elle said...

I was in a relationship like that!

When I first starting dating the guy, he was the sweetest thing ever. But then after a year he started to change. We went through a big breakup, and the guy told me he would always love me, but not at that time. I spend months believing him and I were meant to be together, and even met up with him a few times, still in love with him, but he was still the jerk I left months before.

Then, I made a decision that I had to move on. The guy didn't believe I would and kept calling me over and over, trying to keep me interested.

Then I met the guy I'm with now. I wasn't into him much at first, because I still kind of wanted the other guy back, but here I am, in a new relationship and absolutely LOVING life!

I've been receiving your emails since I broke up with my last boyfriend, and I'm going to admit, everything that you say is right. Believe that you deserve better, and you'll most definitely get better! Thanks!