Thursday, September 04, 2008

Visualizing for Lasting Love and Romance

Hello, Terry!

I am reading your book and making my "list" right now. I am trying to express "no baggage," "no children," and "no alimony" in a positive way, as you recommended. How would you express this on a list of qualities I'm looking for?

I'm 33 and looking for someone around 3 to 5 years older or younger than me. Is it too hopeful to find a guy in this age bracket without baggage, alimony, or children?

Also, my list has 24 items - is that too much for a list of what I want in a man? My friends tell me that I should not try to find everything I want in one man.

Thank you very much for your help!

-S.


Hello, S.-

I definitely don't think it hurts to write 24 things down on your list. There's no guarantee you'll get everything on it, but it is extremely helpful in getting the important qualitities in a man that will make you happy. It helps you recognize the right man when he shows up. It also helps you eliminate men who will never make you happy.

Be very relaxed when you write your list, and be relaxed as you go about your day. You don't have to look for a man who has the qualities you want; just having those qualities rambling around the back of your mind will make it more likely that man who possesses them will appear in your orbit (and, again, that you'll even be aware of him).

Is it too hopeful to find a man in your desired age bracket? Absolutely not. My sister married a 31-year-old man when she was 35. A good, handsome, well-employed male friend of mine dated a 38-year-old when he was 34 (they broke up because she wasn't ready to get married). He's since moved on and is now happily engaged to someone else who is four years younger than he is. He says that age isn't an issue; compatibility, values, and the ability to have fun are.

As for the wording of your affirmation, you want to narrow it down to express the essence of the qualities you consider critical. You could write something like:

"I, S___________, am happily married to a successful, fun man my age who is utterly devoted to me and to our future together."

He can't be utterly devoted to you and your future if he's encumbered with children, ex-wives, and alimony, can he? This affirmation implies that he's free on all fronts.

It's really important that when you visualize you imagine yourself having fun together alone. Maybe you're in his arms, in front of a fire at a ski resort. Or maybe you're in a playground together, and he's pushing you on a swing in the rain. Bring your senses into the visualization. Smell the laundry soap in his shirt when you put your head on his shoulder. (Putting on your favorite music really helps during these exercises!)

What kinds of things do you like to do? Visualize yourself doing them with this man (and remember, physical details will be sketchy in the beginning. Keep it up; they'll start to fill themselves in.) Blanket yourself in this man's love. What happens next will amaze you.

Good luck and thanks for writing!

Terry

4 comments:

Sassy said...

Hi Terry,

Great post! I hope that your reader finds the right one.

This also made me look back to my affirmation I wrote last November. I've now been in a committed relationship for almost 7 months and when I looked back, I got the essentials I was looking for. (He doesn't ski, but likes to snowboard; isn't a big reader, but loves the movies!)

Anyway, just wanted to give you a "thank you" for your smart words. I'm far happier in a relationship than I was for even most of my marriage.

Best,
Sassy

Terry said...

Oh, Sassy, thanks for letting me know!

You made my day.

Susan said...

Terry, I didn't write an affirmation per se, but a few months ago I DID write a list out after a relationship ended. Let your reader know it was a long list -- like a few pages long (smaller sheets than 8 1/2 x 11, though!)

It didn't occur to me until just a week or so ago -- and 8 weeks after dating my current beau -- that he has pretty much all of the qualities I'm looking for. Wow. Maybe it's a coincidence, maybe not, but the act of REALLY writing out what I was seeking helped me see past all of the stuff that I wasn't getting before and/or making excuses about. Thanks, Terry. I wouldn't have thought of taking the time to write something down, but you inspired me to.

Terry said...

Thank you so much for taking time to tell me of your experience, Susan. I really appreciate it!