Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Guys Who Only Like Their Coffee Strong

Hi, Terry:

I have recently had the experience where a guy I was seeing for about a month sent me a text to say he couldn't see me at the moment as he had decided to get counselling. No phone call..a text..after weeks of a fun time..things going great.

You gave me a great reply to this situation on distancing behaviour from men..a friend of mine said to me today though, that he could understand the guy doing that because I am a strong woman..It's not right..but he understands this male behaviour.

So, my question is...Do you think that women can be part of the problem in scenarios like this?

I am strong..but in an assertive not an aggressive way. I don't want anyone to feel obligated to me, and expect to be treated with respect.

What are your thoughts on men who see the woman as causing the men's reaction in the first place?

Sian


Dear Sian:

I don't care if you burned the guy's house down. There's no excuse for ending your relationship with a text message. I mean, think about it. Who ends a relationship with a text informing you he's off to get counseling?

And your friend's reaction? Pass the smelling salts!

This guy suggests that your former beau's cowardly exit results from your being a strong woman, which he perceives as somewhat scary and unfortunate.

But listen: Strong men are not threatened by strong women. On the contrary, strong men relish and delight in a strong women because they're human. They want a friend, as well as a lover. They want someone they can count on to put them on the right path when they lose their way (because, once in a while, we all lose our way). And even though it frightens them that they may get sick and will die some day, they understand the value of having a partner who possesses the strength take care of them when they do (unless you get sick and die first, that is).

Sorry for being morbid, but this is life, and these are the facts.

Please don't ever question your desire for respect. However, it does concern me when you say you don't want anyone to be obligated to you. I may be misunderstanding you here, but if you mean that you don't want a man to feel that he has to take care of you, please remember:

Every human being wants to feel needed.

So, if you're dating a man, and he asks to do something for you, let him. Of course you can do it yourself, and he's not implying that you can't. He's merely trying to get closer to you. If you like him, you must make room for him. Letting him do little things for you will make him feel valued.

In the meantime, stop worrying about MR G2G2 COUNSELING. A man who breaks up via text is no loss.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thanks for such a great answer Terry. Your posts always put things into perspective for me.

You have misconstrued my meaning of the word 'obligated' in that I have understood that being obligated is a requirement to take some form of action..this can be legal, moral or even romantic.

For instance..a man may say he is going to phone a woman, when he never intends to..often because of a sense of obligation..not necessarily from the woman though..could even be societal pressure...
I have no trouble letting a man do things for me..if I want him to :)
Enjoy your break
Sian