It Worked For Me (How to Get Over an Old Boyfriend)

Some women have a knack for bouncing back from a bad breakup. It seems they give themselves a day or two to mourn the loss of the relationship before hitting the dating scene with gusto. Then they never look back. Their motto: Nothing helps you get over the last guy like the next guy.

Unfortunately, many women can't shake a lost love because they're unwilling to accept that the relationship is over. They replay old conversations in their heads. They obsess over what they should have done to avoid the breakup. They arrange to bump into the guy and convince him he's made a mistake. They fantasize about him constantly. They believe that he's "the one," and that the relationship was "meant to be." They fear that if they let go emotionally, they'll have thrown away their shot at true love.

But, really, it's holding on emotionally to an old boyfriend that amounts to throwing away true love. Two objects cannot inhabit one space at the same time. Giving an ex free room and board in one's heart makes it impossible for a new one to move in.

How does a woman get over an ex-boyfriend?

She must make a decision to get over him, and then she needs the discipline to carry it out. She must throw out every material item that reminds her of him. She cannot afford to entertain a single pleasant thought about the relationship. Instead, it helps to write a list of the things he did that drove her crazy (the way he kept sniffling instead of reaching for a tissue, for example, or his habit of using unnecessarily big words) and refer to it often. If a friend brings up his name, it's imperative that she change the subject. By all means, she should avoid speaking of him at all.

Certain smells (his cologne, or the fragrance of a special food she enjoyed with him) and sounds, particularly music, will bring him back into her head at the most inopportune times. Her best bet is not to remove herself from the triggers, but to immerse herself in them until they no longer remind her of him.

It helps if she hits the social scene often by meeting friends, taking classes, and going to bookstores. If a woman makes a point of meeting new people, she will meet new men. When she meets a guy with potential, it's critical that she give him a fair chance. Mentally comparing him to her ex is a mistake. She'd have been better off staying home watching Seinfeld reruns.

A woman can get over a lost love, but only if she's willing. She must consciously block him from her heart and mind. It's not easy at first, but it does get easier. Once she evicts the guy for good, she can move on to the passion and happiness she deserves.

Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.

Coughing Hurts

Had a great Christmas, but I'm suffering from the worst cold in the world. Peter is on his way home, having stopped at Stop & Shop after work to pick me up some organic chicken broth.

Child One gave me the Corinne Bailey Rae CD yesterday, and it's beyond great. Listening to it now.

Lindsay Lohan's Sex Life

This is such old news, but since the TV heads keep bringing it up, I feel compelled to comment.

Lindsay maintains, "Sex and the City changed everything for me, because those girls would just sleep with so many people."

So Lindsay sleeps with a lot of people.

And the media responded by calling her "loose" and "Firecrotch" and advising her boyfriends to get tested for STDs. This is a hilarious double standard. Nobody ever suggested that Colin Farrell's girlfriends get tested for STDs.

Sex and the City is pretty much b.s. (nobody I know who lives in Manhattan or anywhere else in New York City carries on like that). It's hardly a guide to modern living. It's entertainment, Lindsay.

However, Lindsay's disdain for monogamy may have less to do with her being like "a man," as she herself has suggested. It probably has more to do with the fact that she's 20 years old.

Sleeping around is not a great idea, but who the hell wants to settle down at 20 years old?

Attract a better man than Colin Farrell.

My Favorite Gift...

...is an Amazon gift card.




The cool thing is you don't even have to wait for it to ship. You can send it via email, allowing the recipient to order sundry items after discovering what's missing from his or her pile of Christmas loot.

In my case, it'll probably be a book. I love books, but Peter tells me he is buying me a laptop, so I'll have to get my own damn books. Right now, I'm lusting for Mysteries of the Middle Ages by Thomas Cahill. His Desire of the Everlasting Hills, a history of Jesus, blew my mind.

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My very good friend, Daisy, planned to get me Enya's Amarantine for Christmas, but she's decided to get me something else instead.

Boo.



I bought her this one:

I got The Best of Morrissey on Saturday, and it's brilliant.

I'm dying to play "I Have Forgiven Jesus" from You Are the Quarry for my bible study group, but I'm pretty sure they'll throw me out.



It really would have helped to know this stuff when I was dating.

Dating a Married Man?

If it's such a bad idea, why do so many women keep on doing it? There's gotta be a payoff.

Not finished Christmas shopping yet, believe it or not, partly due to the fact that I hate malls and parking lots that force you to take chances trying to get out. I meant to do most of my shopping online, but I lost track of time.

I'll pull something off, I'm sure.

Attract a better man in 2007.

George Clooney Never Did It For Me...

...until now.

I tell you, I like him more and more all the time. So what if he doesn't ever want to get married? At least he knows it, is honest about it, and isn't wasting anybody's time.

I am so cranky today I cannot stand myself. I wanted to pop into Walgreen's to buy a Build-A-Bear gift card for some little kid, but the traffic was so bad, I gave up. Some old guy cut me off coming out of T.J. Maxx, and that was the end.

I came home, placed an order with Build-A-Bear's website, and keyed in the wrong shipping address. Oh! I had to call the 800 number to change the order and waited on hold for eight full minutes, while being subjected to some saccharine-crap song about the wonder of stuffed bears (which were no doubt manufactured by some 7-year-old Chinese kid who wasn't allowed to use the bathroom all day and was paid 10 cents for 12 hours' work).

It might be time for a nap.

If you need a good laugh like I do right now, check out Jim Gaffigan. He's hilarious.

Attract a man who makes you glad you were born.

Is Your Cell Phone Killing Your Sex Life?

Let's hope not.

I'm very proud of myself because, not only are my Christmas cards written, I've taken a halfway decent photo of the offspring to send with it. (My brother, who is single, jokes that if he receives one more photo of somebody's kids, he is going to start responding by sending photos of himself.)

Christmas parties are fun when you know how to get noticed.

Poison 'Em Some More

I found this novel in a store yesterday and immediately picked it up, attracted by its striking cover. The synopsis on the backside read something like: "What are the chances of meeting a man who's straight, single, and willing to commit?"

Judging by the reviews on Amazon, the book is entertaining. But give me a break! Single, straight, and willing to commit men are hardly an endangered species, and I'm so tired of women's fiction that insists otherwise.

I know a cute single guy with a good job whose dates consistently ask him if he's gay (in case you're wondering, he doesn't possess any gay characteristics). Then they tell him that he has commitment issues because he isn't married. The fact is, the guy would dearly like to meet "the one" and get married, but he's hardly going to ask a woman who insists that he's gay or suffers from commitment issues for a second date. Who needs it?

He keeps asking me why women are so paranoid. I keep telling him it's because too many of them pore over In Touch Magazine every week and buy into the lack-minded crap promoted by the chick lit crowd.

Face it. If you don't believe that good men exist, you're going to dismiss the ones who are as as gay, commitmentphobic, boring, or too nice. If you can't see an opportunity, you'll miss it every time.

The world is full of wonderful men.

Poison 'Em Young

If you've ever wondered why some women are obsessed about having a man, keeping a man, when he's going to call, what he's thinking, and on and on and on, you need only check out the current issues of teen magazines. Girls are programmed to fixate on men from the time they get an allowance.

Teen's cover shouts, "How to Decode Your Crush," as if a girl should handle a boy the way MI6 deals with The Kremlin. I suppose actually talking to the boy would be out of the question. Read his mind instead. Then grow up and wonder why men can't "open up." Why should they open up when women have been trained to carry on entire relationships in our minds?

And then Seventeen counsels, "Make Your Crush Want You," as if that's possible (I know because I was a 13-year-old Seventeen subscriber once, and I tried). Forget about tips for getting into college; the magazine's other cover stories include, "405 Ways to Look Hot (At Every Party)," "Dress Like a Celebrity," and "5 Signs You're Addicted to Attention." Paris Hilton and a depressed-looking kitten serve as cover models.

CosmoGirl! tells impressionable readers how to "Party Like a Celebrity" (the cover features Party Girl Lindsay Lohan, hugging her little sister) and gives them "10 Ways to a Healthier, Hotter Body." My pick for the best cover blurb? "She Says She Was Raped...But Could She Be Lying?"

These magazines promote the idea that girls should take lifestyle and fashion cues from celebrities (the current Teen and Seventeen cover models are renowned for giving crotch shots to paparazzi) and drive themselves to distraction over some dork. If they have the misfortune of being sexually assaulted, they might be better off keeping their mouths shut. Who's going to believe them, anyway?

Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.

Cameron Diaz Is a Commitmentphobe

Apparently, Cameron Diaz told Ellen DeGeneres that she won't marry Justin Timberlake because she's a commitmentphobe. Since the media and society in general assume that it's always the man in a relationship who avoids sealing the deal, I'm so glad Cameron set the record straight.

A lot of women fear commitment. I was one of them, but I only had the vaguest sense of it at the time. I had a gift for attracting (and being attracted to) men with similar issues.

Nobody has to get married. Let's face it; too many women end up with the wrong guy because other people imply they're losers until they have rings on their fingers.

I remember a newly engaged friend's father asking me, "And when are you going to get married?"

"I'm too young," I protested.

"Too young?" the man hooted. "You're already 24!"

You'd think I was hobbling around in orthopedic shoes.

At 27, I realized that I had a full-blown terror of commitment. Seriously. I took steps to resolve it, and I did resolve it. (My book has the details.)

But, unless they're inclined otherwise, people like Cameron Diaz don't have to conquer commitmentphobia. I'll say it again: Nobody has to get married. The last time I looked, it wasn't in the Ten Commandments.

How I got over my fear of commitment.