He Didn't Call. Now What?

He said he'd call.

He didn't, and right now you're upset. You don't know why he didn't. All you know is, you were looking forward to seeing him again. You liked him. He seemed to like you. Heck, you KNOW he liked you.

So, why didn't he call?

Well, it probably had nothing to do with something you did or said, so stop worrying. If he said he'd call, it was up to him to live up to his word and actually do it. The fact that he didn't says more about him than it does about you.

So what now?

Here's what YOU WON'T do:

-Call him

-Text him

-Email him

-Get a friend to call him

-"Accidentally" bump into him in a club or bar where
you know he's apt to hang out.

Here's what YOU WILL do:

-Tell yourself that a guy who doesn't keep promises might not be
too much of a loss

-Treat yourself really, really well; remind yourself you're a treasure
yet to be discovered.

Here's what YOU MIGHT do:

-Call a good friend and go out for dinner, a movie, coffee, a drink--
something fun. (No crying in your beer.)

-Rent a movie (Broken English is a good romantic drama, Forgetting
Sarah Marshall is hilarious, and The Holiday is good fun, too). Curl up with a blanket and a bowl of popcorn

Tomorrow morning, congratulate yourself for NOT contacting the guy. You haven't appeared insecure, needy, or desperate. Hold your head up.

Now, it's possible (wouldn't be the first time), he'll come to his senses and call you during the week. When he asks you out again, tell him sorry, but you're busy (and just to keep things honest, go out and make yourself busy!).

The worst thing you can do is be easily available to a person who said he'd call and didn't (put yourself in his place: You tell a guy you'll call. You don't. You finally get around to calling, and he drops everything to be with you. Turn on or turn off? You tell me).

Make him work a bit to see you again. Give yourself a few days to decide whether he's even worth it.

Now, if the guy doesn't ever call, once again consider the very real possibility he's done you a very big favor. A guy who doesn't keep his word is probably very poor boyfriend material.

And you can do better. What's more, you deserve better.

Her Boyfriend Committed Suicide

Dear Terry-

Firstly I would like to say that I love your newsletters.

My problem started 3 years ago when my boyfriend committed suicide. I was devastated because I loved him with all of my heart. We had been together for 4 years. I believe that he was my soulmate.

I started dating younger guys a year later, even though I fell in love with 2 of them, it was never like my boyfriend who died.

I have 2 problems: The first one is that I can't seem to love any other guy the way I loved my boyfriend. I keep comparing every guy I meet to him, and I need you to help me please, help me stop this bad habit. And another one is that I keep attracting younger men, and I'm at a point in my life where I'm looking for a guy that is more my age. How can I attract guys who are more my age? Must I act in a different way or should I have a sign on my forehead that states my age? I am really desperate, please please help!

Regards,

Desperately Waiting

Dear Waiting-

Yours is probably the hardest letter I've ever had to answer.

I am so sorry about your boyfriend's suicide, and I can only guess the emotions that overwhelmed you after you heard the news. A friend of mine had a brother who killed himself, and her emotions went from falling-down grief to anger to self-blame ("I should have known!"). And then the circle of emotions would start over again.

And your loss is even more profound because you lost the man you loved, your soulmate.

You don't say whether you've gotten professional help to get you through the shock and pain of this event. Please do not discount the peace, comfort, and relief you can achieve by talking to a grief counselor or by joining a bereavement group. You have endured one of the worst blows life has to deal, and I can't imagine you'll be able to move on until you work your way through it.

(An acquaintance of mine lost her sister to suicide, and she runs a bereavement group at her church. Although she will always love and miss her sister, she's been able to move on with her life -- happy marriage and a child-- and now runs the group to help others in her situation).

I did a bit of web surfing and came up with a website for Survivors of Suicide. To view it, click here. I truly hope it helps.

As for your tendency to attract younger men, I suspect it may have something to do with the fact that they sense you're not really available for a serious relationship. Emotionally, you're still with your boyfriend (which sounds pretty normal and natural to me).

I believe you will attract more suitable men once you've come to terms with the terrible ordeal you've suffered.

Thank you for the very kind words. I sincerely wish you every happiness in the world.

Terry

Law of Attraction and Aging

I love the following article by Jeannette Maw about how she uses her mind to stay young. It's the very subject I addressed in a post on my last birthday. (Click here to read that one.) Yeah, I know death is inevitable, but my goal is to put it off as long as possible.

"You're not getting any younger, you know."

Ahem.

These words probably make the top ten list of "How to Spoil Sunday With Your Girlfriend."

I said to Russ, "Look, these are words you should never say to ANY woman you want to sleep with, let alone the one who doesn't believe in aging."

"You don't believe in aging?" He said it more than asked it. Like he was confirming just how crazy his girlfriend was.

"Well, I'm trying NOT to. That's my point. Hearing it from you doesn't help. I want to escape that old mentality. I want to grow younger and get healthier and better looking every day."

"'Old mentality,'" he repeats. "Honey, aging is a fact." (As if I were an eight year old that he was breaking the news to about the Tooth Fairy.) "It's what happens. You can't stop it. You can't stop time."

Well, with any hope of a friendly romantic encounter shot to smithereens, I let him have it.

"All right, let's go over this again." And I ran him through the principles of deliberate creation a-frickin-gain. We get what we think about. There are no rules out there. There are no limitations. If we can imagine it, we can have it. There isn't any reason we should be aging, other than that the whole of society has bought into it, and I'm opting out.

"You're opting out of aging," he says, not even trying to mask the laughter in his voice.

"Yeah, I am. And I guarantee I'm not doing it so I can hang out with some decrepit old guy, so I would rethink my position on this, if I were you."

I tell him I'm not the only one thinking this. That others are on board with this same idea. LOTS of others. I don't know how many, but I know I'm not alone. I've been trained by one of them. (Ron Zeller, who is a stand for ageless living. His wife, who is known as Ninja Grandma. Not to mention all the yogis who are known for good health in the upper echelons of birthdays.)

And while I'm telling him that, I'm thinking of the enormous vibrational escrow of all those people all those years who desperately wanted good health and great looks in their later years. Oh yeah, I'm tapping into THAT party!

So, Russ agrees not to argue with my beliefs, and swears I will never again hear him say, "You're not getting any younger."

As he's making breakfast (making fun of my brown $4 cage-free eggs and rice milk), I find two emails in my in-box related to law of attraction and aging. Or anti-aging, I should say. Thank you, Universe, for backing me up!

I march out of the office with news of the two articles that were waiting for me this morning. "I am not alone," I repeat to him with conviction.

"That's nice, honey." He's clearly made peace with having a crazy girlfriend.

And I'm gearing up for making peace with having a 30 year old boyfriend in my last years of life. Maybe he could have an accent, too. Olive skin. Gorgeous smile. (We'll see who has the last laugh, Mr. Smart Guy.)

Just to nail this vibration down, I'm thinking about turning 27 this year. I've turned 27 a couple of times now, and have enjoyed it every time. It's a good year. I thought about earlier twenties, but they seemed a little shallow. 30's seemed a little heavier. So I'm going with carefree, optimistic, fabulously healthy and fit, got-my-whole-life-ahead-of-me 27.

I really really like my girlfriend's girlfriend who doesn't know how old she is (really, she doesn't know! She doesn't keep track!), and my former coach who would flat out lie (and feel great about it) when someone asked her age. I'm letting go of what it "means" to age as well. It doesn't mean anything; it's not who I am; and I just get better with every day that passes.

That's what I'm manifesting with the law of attraction. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it. Because I know it's possible. And I pick it. Period.

Yes, it might feel like a stretch today, but as I spend more time with it, and more time with articles and people lined up with it, it'll become more and more mine. Watch me go!