Online Dating: When Should He Offer to Pick Her Up?

Hi Terry!

I read your book, began visualizing, listing, etc., and lo and behold a seemingly nice guy has materialized (wow!). Ok, so my question is, since we met online, how many times should we meet (drive to our meeting spot separately) before I can expect him to offer to pick me up? Also, how do I even approach this? Ideally, shouldn't he be offering this at some point? Please let me know your thoughts.....thanks Terry!

-The Going's Good

Hi, Going-

Congratulations on meeting a seemingly nice guy!

Okay, it's possible that this fellow will be the one for you, but it's also possible that he's a dress rehearsal for someone even better.

So...

Drive separately to meet him in some public place until you are convinced that he really and truly is a "nice guy" and worthy of your time. Play it by ear. If things go well, I imagine that he'd suggest that you travel together after a few good dates.

Please don't put any pressure on yourself or on the situation for him to be "the one." Keep affirming and visualizing. Enjoy yourself, be yourself, and don't limit yourself until you're sure that any man is the right man for you.

In other words, keep your options open.

Thinking very good thoughts for you,
Terry

I Met Him in a Bar

Hi Terry,

I have read your book and I love your emails. One detail that I have not read about and am very curious about is how you met your husband. How did you meet him? Where, what circumstances? Was it how you visualised it or different?

Look forward to your reply!

Regards,
S.

Hello, S.-

Thanks for the kind words.

I never actually visualized meeting my husband. I did regularly visualize the relationship (for instance, what a day with a person whose qualities I specified might look, smell, taste, feel, and sound like). I visualized dancing with him at our wedding, I also visualized dancing with him on our tenth and twentieth wedding anniversaries.

But I never actually visualized meeting him.

And when I did meet him, I was out with friends in a bar. He was friendly with some of my friends, and I thought he was attractive. He asked me out, and I immediately (no hesitation) said yes. The word just came out of my mouth.

And I instantly regretted it because I thought to myself, "He's cute, but you will have nothing in common with him. You idiot. What have you gotten yourself into?"

Then he asked me, "Great. What night are you free to have dinner?"

And I responded, "Wednesday."

I didn't mean throw him by saying I'd meet him on a weeknight, but I did, and I could see it. He later admitting to thinking I'd say, "Saturday," but I was at a point in my life where I wasn't going to throw a perfectly good weekend away on some guy when I could be out having a good time with my friends.

So, I was doing the techniques I describe regularly, and I was getting out of the house, but I was not going from place to place looking for Mr. Right. I was just out having fun. And what happened was I attracted Mr. Right.

If I hadn't been visualizing, I doubt he would have been attracted to me, and I also doubt that word "yes" would have left my mouth; I would have put him off because I would have screened him out as "cute but not my type."

Interestingly, we did go out for that Wednesday dinner and ended up having so much to talk about that we decided to extend the night and meet up with some friends afterwards. I ended up getting home much too late for a work night!

He asked me out again, and from then on, things went very smoothly. I had never had a relationship that went beyond nine months (and even then, it was extremely rocky) before I started dating him.

We've been together for years now.

Attracting Men When It Seems There Are No Men to Attract

Here's an excellent question a reader sent me last week:

"I know sometimes you respond to letters and was wondering if you would at some point talk about dating in a small town. I love your ideas and think that they are essential to dating, but I get a bit pessimistic about my chances of finding "the man of my dreams" in a town of my size. I meet a lot of people and travel, but I see my pool as pretty limited."

Here's my answer:

Definitely stop seeing your pool as limited. I don't care if you live in a town that consists of just you, a horse, and a post office.

We're going to work with the law of attraction here. We are NOT going to be dissuaded by specific population statistics of a particular town.

First step: Forget about the apparent shortage of men. We're going to pretend that the very air you breathe is bursting with men. You're tripping all over them.

Close your eyes.

Everywhere you go, you see men. What's that like? Bring this image to life in your imagination.

See handsome men. Successful men. Honest men. Funny men. They're stepping aside and opening doors for you.

How does that feel?

Next step: Which of these men appeals to you most? Write down a list of his qualities. Is he honest, loyal, loving, reliable, successful, and fun? (Those were qualities from MY list, but please fill in the ones that matter to YOU.) Is he handsome?

Are you attracted to him? What does that feel like?

Is he attracted to you? What does that feel like? (Feel it in your solar plexus.) Look like? (Man, he looks good coming toward you in that pair of jeans.) Smell like?(He's holding you. Smell the soap in his shirt.) Taste like? (His kiss, or a meal you're enjoying together.)

Again, we're working with the law of attraction here. It works.

It's key to bring this man to life in your imagination twice daily. Please don't do it once and mutter a week later, "It didn't work." Keep up your visualizations. They're critical to your success.

After a while, your subconscious will nudge you: Go here. Do this.

In addition to visualization, you might look into Plentyoffish.com, a free online dating service that a couple of people I know have had success with. You can key in your zip code (or a neighboring zip code) and see if anybody interesting comes up.

But I recommend that you use it-- or any other dating service--only after you've been visualizing (in other words, actively attracting) for a while.

Putting yourself in situations where you can meet new men helps,
but it's less important than visualization.

Here's an email I received from another reader last Thursday (March 5th):

"...like the reader you mentioned in [a previous email], because of you I am getting married to a wonderful man who treats me like a queen. Our wedding is in two months. We met shortly after I tried your visualization techniques and I couldn't be happier with the results. Unlike the previous reader though, I want to continue to read your emails because it helps me to pass on this valuable advice to other women. Also, I want to use the techniques for other things like losing weight, buying a house that's just right for us, etc."

This email made my day. Thanks so much to this reader for sharing
her good news!