The last of a 3-part series detailing the considerable social benefits of becoming the Hostess With the Mostess. More answers about entertaining to meet men follow:
I’ve been to so many parties where people just sit around with plates in their laps. How do I avoid hosting one of those?
My mother, a fantastic hostess with a gift for facilitating merriment, had a rule: Fewer chairs than guests. If you have six chairs in your living room, get rid of two of them. If you’ve invited 20 people, don’t fret about having 12 chairs. Your goal is for people to circulate. I can’t tell you how many hostesses have killed a good time by offering too many chairs. The result is a coffee klatch, not a party.
Serving food buffet-style will also encourage your guests to mingle. Let them use your kitchen counter and the top of your bookcase for tables. Trust me, they won’t complain about it.
If you notice a cluster of boredom brewing, break it up immediately. For example, if you overhear some married couple droning on about their children’s accomplishments, call the husband away and enlist him to lift something heavy. Or get his wife to lift something heavy. Just shut them up.
After all the preparation for this party, I’m going to be wiped out. How can I look and feel my best?
Keep things simple, and you'll look rested and gorgeous. Think quick food, clutter-free house, festive drinks, and music (or football). That’s it. If your house isn’t beautiful, trust me, nobody worthwhile is going to give a damn. They’re just looking for a day out of the house, and you’ve given it to them. So take the pressure off. Now.
A week before the party, start reading food labels. If a package lists MSG, drop it. MSG makes you look old and puffy. Rev up your water intake. If you can't take it straight, squeeze a little lemon into it. Nobody likes going to the bathroom 90 times a day, but when you wake up on party day looking younger than springtime, you'll be glad you did.
That morning, apply cool green tea bags to your face and eyes for 20 minutes. Please lie down first. Green tea’s anti-inflammatory properties eliminate puffiness and clarify pores. Try it after you wash your face and before you slide on the moisturizer .
I dread the morning-after cleanup. I’m not sure this is all worth it.
It is worth it. Ask my husband’s friend (the guy who’s now happily married to the woman he met at his own party), and he’ll tell you. Look, I hate cleaning up, too, so wait until morning. Ask a good friend to help you. Let happy memories of the night before get you through it, as well as the knowledge that you’ve established yourself as a fun, welcoming person other people would do well to get to know.
The bonus? At least one of your guests is bound to reciprocate, opening the way for you to meet even more people—and even more men.
You met a great guy. Should you call him?.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Meet Men Part 2
Part Two of a 3-part series detailing the considerable social benefits of becoming the Hostess With the Mostess. More answers about entertaining to meet men follow:
I’d really prefer not to throw a party around the holidays. I have enough to do already.
Throw a party during a dead spot on the calendar, like February. After the holiday crush, many people like to hibernate. By February, they're ready to have fun again. Unfortunately, February is difficult for people who don't like Valentine's Day, or who have no one to celebrate it with.
Come to the rescue by throwing a Winter Blues party. Invite lively singles and couples and be sure to tell 'em to bring a friend. Serve blue drinks. Stock your CD player with upbeat music and sprinkle in a couple of blues selections from Billie Holiday or B.B. King. Buy frozen mini quiches and dim sum in bulk at Costco. Heat and serve.
I’m such a slob. I’m embarrassed to invite people over.
I’m a reformed slob, so I can relate. Scour the Internet for a quick guide to de-cluttering and get cracking. It's easier than you think, and it’s absolutely worth it. An orderly home will free you in too many ways to list here, but you’ll be able invite people into your house without freaking out about it.
Even better, you can establish yourself as a hostess (banish June Cleaver from your mind; think fun, warm, party person everybody wants to know). Trust me, if you show people a good time, they’ll talk about you ---favorably. They'll want to introduce you around.
Another thing: If you want to attract a great guy, you need to make room for him. Get rid of the clutter.
How do I invite people? By phone or by email?
Neither. Email and phone invitations work well for last-minute events, but you’re better off sending a homemade or hip store-bought invitation that conveys fun and excitement three weeks before yours. The typical guest will stick it on his fridge. He’ll look forward to your party every time he gets a glass of milk.
Homemade invitations are cheap and especially effective. I had great success with one I’d put together from photos of my friends from various times, places, and events and photocopied them, along with party details. I also drew on a crude head-and-shoulders silhouette with the caption, “Picture your smiling face here.” The result? An apartment packed to the rafters.
When designing your invitation, play around with typefaces to get your message across. Certain fonts indicate a more formal event, while others tell your guests to feel free to wear a pair of jeans.
This all sounds very exciting, but I can’t afford to throw a party right now.
Organize a chic potluck. Miss Manners would disagree, but there’s absolutely wrong with it. Pick a theme and get going. If you're squeamish about asking people to bring food to a party, I assure you that most people really like to help out. They like to show off their cooking. They enjoy getting compliments. They also just want to get out of the house and have a good time. Make it your job to help them.
Get the step-by-step program to attract the man of your dreams.
I’d really prefer not to throw a party around the holidays. I have enough to do already.
Throw a party during a dead spot on the calendar, like February. After the holiday crush, many people like to hibernate. By February, they're ready to have fun again. Unfortunately, February is difficult for people who don't like Valentine's Day, or who have no one to celebrate it with.
Come to the rescue by throwing a Winter Blues party. Invite lively singles and couples and be sure to tell 'em to bring a friend. Serve blue drinks. Stock your CD player with upbeat music and sprinkle in a couple of blues selections from Billie Holiday or B.B. King. Buy frozen mini quiches and dim sum in bulk at Costco. Heat and serve.
I’m such a slob. I’m embarrassed to invite people over.
I’m a reformed slob, so I can relate. Scour the Internet for a quick guide to de-cluttering and get cracking. It's easier than you think, and it’s absolutely worth it. An orderly home will free you in too many ways to list here, but you’ll be able invite people into your house without freaking out about it.
Even better, you can establish yourself as a hostess (banish June Cleaver from your mind; think fun, warm, party person everybody wants to know). Trust me, if you show people a good time, they’ll talk about you ---favorably. They'll want to introduce you around.
Another thing: If you want to attract a great guy, you need to make room for him. Get rid of the clutter.
How do I invite people? By phone or by email?
Neither. Email and phone invitations work well for last-minute events, but you’re better off sending a homemade or hip store-bought invitation that conveys fun and excitement three weeks before yours. The typical guest will stick it on his fridge. He’ll look forward to your party every time he gets a glass of milk.
Homemade invitations are cheap and especially effective. I had great success with one I’d put together from photos of my friends from various times, places, and events and photocopied them, along with party details. I also drew on a crude head-and-shoulders silhouette with the caption, “Picture your smiling face here.” The result? An apartment packed to the rafters.
When designing your invitation, play around with typefaces to get your message across. Certain fonts indicate a more formal event, while others tell your guests to feel free to wear a pair of jeans.
This all sounds very exciting, but I can’t afford to throw a party right now.
Organize a chic potluck. Miss Manners would disagree, but there’s absolutely wrong with it. Pick a theme and get going. If you're squeamish about asking people to bring food to a party, I assure you that most people really like to help out. They like to show off their cooking. They enjoy getting compliments. They also just want to get out of the house and have a good time. Make it your job to help them.
Get the step-by-step program to attract the man of your dreams.
Meet Men Without Leaving Home
If you're looking to meet new men, you can do it without ever leaving your home. How? By throwing a party. You don't have to be Martha Stewart to do an event people will talk about for months; hey, you don't even have to be Rachael Ray. You just have to be you.
In this 3-part series, I'll answer a few of your questions about why you should entertain. I’ll also show you how easy it can be.
How the heck can I meet guys by throwing a party? Am I supposed to hand out invitations on a street corner?
Please don't. Instead, invite people you know and like and ask them to bring along somebody they know and like (the bring-along doesn't need to be single or male, but he or she may introduce you later to somebody else who is).
My husband's good friend, B., met both a long-term girlfriend and, later, his wife at his own parties. And then there's L., a habitual hostess, who once opened her door in Queens and found actor Matt Dillon standing on her doorstep. He showed up at one of her soirees after being invited by another guest. While I can't guarantee that Matt Dillon will make an appearance at your party, I can't guarantee he won't, either.
I can't cook.
Well, you do eat, don't you? If you like to take out, check out the restaurant's catering menu. Whether you want Chinese, Indian, Italian, or a Bloomin' Onion from The Outback, you can get it for your party. Pick up the phone, order, and set out some colorful paper plates and flatware. You're good to go.
I'm freakishly shy.
Hey, I've been there. Sometimes I'm still there. If you're terrified being forced to carry a conversation, arrange the party around an event like a football game. Turn on the TV. The background noise will fill in gaps in the conversation, and you can always talk about the game.
Here's a bonus: Football games call for casual food and drink. Pop a few trays of frozen potato skins in the oven, cut up a 6-foot sub, and pour some beers into a cooler full of ice. You’re set.
I hate football. In fact, I detest sports.
Then put together a holiday event. It's easy. Think Thanksgiving, Christmas, St. Patrick's Day, and The Fourth of July. Hit the party store and buy a few appropriate decorations.
Music is key. At Christmas, alternate traditional favorites with tunes from your guests' high school and college years. Nothing gets a party off the ground faster. If most of your crowd graduated around 1993, spin Nirvana, 10,000 Maniacs, and Pearl Jam. For the 1985 generation, try Simple Minds, early U2, and Jefferson Starship (particularly their ultra-cheesy, "We Built this City"). You get the idea.
For other holidays, return Bing Crosby to his CD case and change decorations accordingly. But, by all means, keep the music turned up.
Before you pick up the phone to talk to a guy, read this.
In this 3-part series, I'll answer a few of your questions about why you should entertain. I’ll also show you how easy it can be.
How the heck can I meet guys by throwing a party? Am I supposed to hand out invitations on a street corner?
Please don't. Instead, invite people you know and like and ask them to bring along somebody they know and like (the bring-along doesn't need to be single or male, but he or she may introduce you later to somebody else who is).
My husband's good friend, B., met both a long-term girlfriend and, later, his wife at his own parties. And then there's L., a habitual hostess, who once opened her door in Queens and found actor Matt Dillon standing on her doorstep. He showed up at one of her soirees after being invited by another guest. While I can't guarantee that Matt Dillon will make an appearance at your party, I can't guarantee he won't, either.
I can't cook.
Well, you do eat, don't you? If you like to take out, check out the restaurant's catering menu. Whether you want Chinese, Indian, Italian, or a Bloomin' Onion from The Outback, you can get it for your party. Pick up the phone, order, and set out some colorful paper plates and flatware. You're good to go.
I'm freakishly shy.
Hey, I've been there. Sometimes I'm still there. If you're terrified being forced to carry a conversation, arrange the party around an event like a football game. Turn on the TV. The background noise will fill in gaps in the conversation, and you can always talk about the game.
Here's a bonus: Football games call for casual food and drink. Pop a few trays of frozen potato skins in the oven, cut up a 6-foot sub, and pour some beers into a cooler full of ice. You’re set.
I hate football. In fact, I detest sports.
Then put together a holiday event. It's easy. Think Thanksgiving, Christmas, St. Patrick's Day, and The Fourth of July. Hit the party store and buy a few appropriate decorations.
Music is key. At Christmas, alternate traditional favorites with tunes from your guests' high school and college years. Nothing gets a party off the ground faster. If most of your crowd graduated around 1993, spin Nirvana, 10,000 Maniacs, and Pearl Jam. For the 1985 generation, try Simple Minds, early U2, and Jefferson Starship (particularly their ultra-cheesy, "We Built this City"). You get the idea.
For other holidays, return Bing Crosby to his CD case and change decorations accordingly. But, by all means, keep the music turned up.
Before you pick up the phone to talk to a guy, read this.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
The First Thing You Must Know About Men
The first thing you need to know about men is this: You don't need one. If you're thinking, "Hey, I want one," you're probably on the right track.
Wanting is one thing. Needing is another. When you need a man, you come off as needy. Needy people are unattractive. What's more, they often accept less than they deserve, whether it's in a man, a job, or a friend. They attract it. They might as well stick "kick me" signs on their backs.
When you feel good about yourself, you tend to want love and companionship. You don't necessarily need it. Emotionally healthy women tend to choose --and attract-- men who make them happy, instead of some guy who leaves them wondering if he'll call, whether or not he's coming home, or if he's getting a little on the side on his lunch hour.
Are you needy? Definitely you are:
-if you hate to be by yourself.
-if you believe that your life will be a failure if you don't marry and have children.
-if you think getting boob implants is the best way to get male attention (you'll get attention, all right, but not necessarily the kind that lasts).
An emotionally healthy woman enjoys her own company. She doesn't need a man--or even her friends-- around to have fun. As a result, people want to be around her. She's attractive. She knows how to have a good time.
If you're in the needy category and want to move out, decide to fall in love with yourself. Nobody is ever going to love you until you love yourself first.
Start by making a list of your good qualities and your talents. Stop taking them for granted. Not everybody has them, you know. Keep the list where you can see it, perhaps on your bathroom mirror. Buy yourself little treats. You shouldn't go into credit card debt, but do resolve to do small, lovely things for yourself.
Turn off the TV chatter and spend time listening to beautiful music over a glass of your favorite wine. Be daring and take yourself out to the movies once in a while (and if you get weird looks from people, realize that they don't have the confidence to do the things they want unless they have a willing partner in tow).
Stop hanging around people who gossip, particularly women who gossip about how other women raise their children, decorate their houses, and keep screwing up their relationships. Replace them with women who like other women. By all means, avoid any individual who implies that you're defective because you don't have a man in your life.
After you start loving yourself, you'll notice a shift in the circumstances--and people--you attract. Be warned: Those who don't have your best interests at heart will become annoyed with you and eventually drift away. You'll find yourself surrounded by more supportive people. Before long, you'll find yourself in the company of a man you want.
Lo and behold, he'll want you, too.
The step-by-step plan to attract a man who'll curl your toes.
Wanting is one thing. Needing is another. When you need a man, you come off as needy. Needy people are unattractive. What's more, they often accept less than they deserve, whether it's in a man, a job, or a friend. They attract it. They might as well stick "kick me" signs on their backs.
When you feel good about yourself, you tend to want love and companionship. You don't necessarily need it. Emotionally healthy women tend to choose --and attract-- men who make them happy, instead of some guy who leaves them wondering if he'll call, whether or not he's coming home, or if he's getting a little on the side on his lunch hour.
Are you needy? Definitely you are:
-if you hate to be by yourself.
-if you believe that your life will be a failure if you don't marry and have children.
-if you think getting boob implants is the best way to get male attention (you'll get attention, all right, but not necessarily the kind that lasts).
An emotionally healthy woman enjoys her own company. She doesn't need a man--or even her friends-- around to have fun. As a result, people want to be around her. She's attractive. She knows how to have a good time.
If you're in the needy category and want to move out, decide to fall in love with yourself. Nobody is ever going to love you until you love yourself first.
Start by making a list of your good qualities and your talents. Stop taking them for granted. Not everybody has them, you know. Keep the list where you can see it, perhaps on your bathroom mirror. Buy yourself little treats. You shouldn't go into credit card debt, but do resolve to do small, lovely things for yourself.
Turn off the TV chatter and spend time listening to beautiful music over a glass of your favorite wine. Be daring and take yourself out to the movies once in a while (and if you get weird looks from people, realize that they don't have the confidence to do the things they want unless they have a willing partner in tow).
Stop hanging around people who gossip, particularly women who gossip about how other women raise their children, decorate their houses, and keep screwing up their relationships. Replace them with women who like other women. By all means, avoid any individual who implies that you're defective because you don't have a man in your life.
After you start loving yourself, you'll notice a shift in the circumstances--and people--you attract. Be warned: Those who don't have your best interests at heart will become annoyed with you and eventually drift away. You'll find yourself surrounded by more supportive people. Before long, you'll find yourself in the company of a man you want.
Lo and behold, he'll want you, too.
The step-by-step plan to attract a man who'll curl your toes.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Don't Audition to Be a Guy's Wife
Three dates into a relationship, some women figure they've got a big fish on the hook, and they'd better reel him in fast. They start doing all sorts of wacky things, desperately hoping to make themselves indespensible to the guy.
This kind of woman wants him to see her potential as primo wife material right away, so she:
-Offers to pick up his dry cleaning
-"Makes up a plate" for him at barbecues and buffets, instead of letting him get it himself
-Cooks for him instead of going out for dinner
-Makes his bed
-Slowly but steadfastly moves her belongings into his house and takes over the housework
-Offers to babysit his nieces and nephews (or his children), so he can see what a spectacular mother she'd make.
Females who choose this route usually get taken for granted. They're eventually discarded. Sure, certain guys may jump to marry such women, but they tend to be those who stay out all night with their buddies and refuse to change diapers.
A man who likes a challenge and enjoys the company of an intellectual equal will quickly grow bored. Challenging women are sexy. Women who chase after men with paper plates dripping with cole slaw are not.
Once a relationship is established (and what relationship is established after three dates? How long did it take you to get to know your best friend, for example?), it's fine to offer to pick up a guy's dry cleaning. But he should also offer to pick up yours every now and then.
Don't be quick to jump into sex roles. If the man likes to cook, congratulations. By all means, let him. If you like to fix flat tires, don't suppress the urge. Be yourself. Let him be himself. Allow your relationship to develop organically. Discover who a man really is before deciding he's "the one."
Take your time. The worst thing that can happen is that you won't wrangle yourself into a bad marriage. Remember: This is your life we're talking about.
Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.
This kind of woman wants him to see her potential as primo wife material right away, so she:
-Offers to pick up his dry cleaning
-"Makes up a plate" for him at barbecues and buffets, instead of letting him get it himself
-Cooks for him instead of going out for dinner
-Makes his bed
-Slowly but steadfastly moves her belongings into his house and takes over the housework
-Offers to babysit his nieces and nephews (or his children), so he can see what a spectacular mother she'd make.
Females who choose this route usually get taken for granted. They're eventually discarded. Sure, certain guys may jump to marry such women, but they tend to be those who stay out all night with their buddies and refuse to change diapers.
A man who likes a challenge and enjoys the company of an intellectual equal will quickly grow bored. Challenging women are sexy. Women who chase after men with paper plates dripping with cole slaw are not.
Once a relationship is established (and what relationship is established after three dates? How long did it take you to get to know your best friend, for example?), it's fine to offer to pick up a guy's dry cleaning. But he should also offer to pick up yours every now and then.
Don't be quick to jump into sex roles. If the man likes to cook, congratulations. By all means, let him. If you like to fix flat tires, don't suppress the urge. Be yourself. Let him be himself. Allow your relationship to develop organically. Discover who a man really is before deciding he's "the one."
Take your time. The worst thing that can happen is that you won't wrangle yourself into a bad marriage. Remember: This is your life we're talking about.
Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Britney Spears Gets Too Much Press...
...and the people being massacred in Darfur are forgotten.
You can help them by signing this petition.
If the paparazzi were to catch Britney and Paris Hilton putting their pens to it (no underwear required), lives would be saved.
You can help them by signing this petition.
If the paparazzi were to catch Britney and Paris Hilton putting their pens to it (no underwear required), lives would be saved.
After the Disastrous New Year's Eve Party
You had your nails done, wore a smashing outfit, and gave your makeup a bit of sparkle. Even your hair looked like it came out of a shampoo commercial. You arrived at the party, nervous to meet new people but confident you'd loosen up and have a great time.
You didn't.
The host snapped up the stuffed mushrooms you slaved over with a quick thank-you and turned away. Your polite attempts at small talk with other guests fell flat. Nobody made you feel particularly welcome.
You began to feel like an bug in a jar. You itched to flee, but you promised yourself you'd get out of the house more often. You know you'll never meet a decent man if you're not at least willing to get out of the house more often!
So you beat your way to the drink table, making conversation with the person standing next to you, only to be rebuffed. You retreated to a corner of the room, sipping away in a desperate attempt to look casual (while ignoring the ever-tightening knot in your stomach), and fought off a fantasy about going home, getting into your pajamas, and pulling out your Bridget Jones DVDs.
Instead, you forced yourself to stick it out a bit longer, only to end up thinking, "I'm useless. All these people are having a great time, and I'm standing around like a giant pimple. What's wrong with me?"
There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all. You merely accepted an invitation to a bad party.
"But," you say. "If it was such a bad party, why was everyone else having such a great time?"
The thing is, sometimes you'll end up at an event where other people have a good time because they know each other, and they don't have the manners or the inclination to include a new face in the merriment. (There will be other times, though, when you'll find yourself at an event where people know each other but gladly welcome you into the fold.)
And, remember, just because an individual hosts a party doesn't mean he or she knows the first thing about being a good host (which would be making sure that that no guest is propped in a corner feeling like a skin condition). Hosting a party is a responsibility. It's fun, but it's definitely a responsibility.
Bad hosts throw parties that are all about them. If you end up at one of these jerk fests, stick around for an hour. If things don't improve, say thanks (that is, if you can get the attention of the jerk to thank) and get out of there.
Then, instead of reliving the miserable time you endured, pat yourself on the back for getting out in the first place. Believe it or not, you've taken a step toward changing your life.
The next time you're offered an invitation, be bold and accept it. Better yet, show 'em how it's done and throw a party of your own. Super Bowl Sunday will soon be upon us. Make the most of it.
Get your house party-ready in no time!.
You didn't.
The host snapped up the stuffed mushrooms you slaved over with a quick thank-you and turned away. Your polite attempts at small talk with other guests fell flat. Nobody made you feel particularly welcome.
You began to feel like an bug in a jar. You itched to flee, but you promised yourself you'd get out of the house more often. You know you'll never meet a decent man if you're not at least willing to get out of the house more often!
So you beat your way to the drink table, making conversation with the person standing next to you, only to be rebuffed. You retreated to a corner of the room, sipping away in a desperate attempt to look casual (while ignoring the ever-tightening knot in your stomach), and fought off a fantasy about going home, getting into your pajamas, and pulling out your Bridget Jones DVDs.
Instead, you forced yourself to stick it out a bit longer, only to end up thinking, "I'm useless. All these people are having a great time, and I'm standing around like a giant pimple. What's wrong with me?"
There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all. You merely accepted an invitation to a bad party.
"But," you say. "If it was such a bad party, why was everyone else having such a great time?"
The thing is, sometimes you'll end up at an event where other people have a good time because they know each other, and they don't have the manners or the inclination to include a new face in the merriment. (There will be other times, though, when you'll find yourself at an event where people know each other but gladly welcome you into the fold.)
And, remember, just because an individual hosts a party doesn't mean he or she knows the first thing about being a good host (which would be making sure that that no guest is propped in a corner feeling like a skin condition). Hosting a party is a responsibility. It's fun, but it's definitely a responsibility.
Bad hosts throw parties that are all about them. If you end up at one of these jerk fests, stick around for an hour. If things don't improve, say thanks (that is, if you can get the attention of the jerk to thank) and get out of there.
Then, instead of reliving the miserable time you endured, pat yourself on the back for getting out in the first place. Believe it or not, you've taken a step toward changing your life.
The next time you're offered an invitation, be bold and accept it. Better yet, show 'em how it's done and throw a party of your own. Super Bowl Sunday will soon be upon us. Make the most of it.
Get your house party-ready in no time!.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
It Worked For Me (How to Get Over an Old Boyfriend)
Some women have a knack for bouncing back from a bad breakup. It seems they give themselves a day or two to mourn the loss of the relationship before hitting the dating scene with gusto. Then they never look back. Their motto: Nothing helps you get over the last guy like the next guy.
Unfortunately, many women can't shake a lost love because they're unwilling to accept that the relationship is over. They replay old conversations in their heads. They obsess over what they should have done to avoid the breakup. They arrange to bump into the guy and convince him he's made a mistake. They fantasize about him constantly. They believe that he's "the one," and that the relationship was "meant to be." They fear that if they let go emotionally, they'll have thrown away their shot at true love.
But, really, it's holding on emotionally to an old boyfriend that amounts to throwing away true love. Two objects cannot inhabit one space at the same time. Giving an ex free room and board in one's heart makes it impossible for a new one to move in.
How does a woman get over an ex-boyfriend?
She must make a decision to get over him, and then she needs the discipline to carry it out. She must throw out every material item that reminds her of him. She cannot afford to entertain a single pleasant thought about the relationship. Instead, it helps to write a list of the things he did that drove her crazy (the way he kept sniffling instead of reaching for a tissue, for example, or his habit of using unnecessarily big words) and refer to it often. If a friend brings up his name, it's imperative that she change the subject. By all means, she should avoid speaking of him at all.
Certain smells (his cologne, or the fragrance of a special food she enjoyed with him) and sounds, particularly music, will bring him back into her head at the most inopportune times. Her best bet is not to remove herself from the triggers, but to immerse herself in them until they no longer remind her of him.
It helps if she hits the social scene often by meeting friends, taking classes, and going to bookstores. If a woman makes a point of meeting new people, she will meet new men. When she meets a guy with potential, it's critical that she give him a fair chance. Mentally comparing him to her ex is a mistake. She'd have been better off staying home watching Seinfeld reruns.
A woman can get over a lost love, but only if she's willing. She must consciously block him from her heart and mind. It's not easy at first, but it does get easier. Once she evicts the guy for good, she can move on to the passion and happiness she deserves.
Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.
Unfortunately, many women can't shake a lost love because they're unwilling to accept that the relationship is over. They replay old conversations in their heads. They obsess over what they should have done to avoid the breakup. They arrange to bump into the guy and convince him he's made a mistake. They fantasize about him constantly. They believe that he's "the one," and that the relationship was "meant to be." They fear that if they let go emotionally, they'll have thrown away their shot at true love.
But, really, it's holding on emotionally to an old boyfriend that amounts to throwing away true love. Two objects cannot inhabit one space at the same time. Giving an ex free room and board in one's heart makes it impossible for a new one to move in.
How does a woman get over an ex-boyfriend?
She must make a decision to get over him, and then she needs the discipline to carry it out. She must throw out every material item that reminds her of him. She cannot afford to entertain a single pleasant thought about the relationship. Instead, it helps to write a list of the things he did that drove her crazy (the way he kept sniffling instead of reaching for a tissue, for example, or his habit of using unnecessarily big words) and refer to it often. If a friend brings up his name, it's imperative that she change the subject. By all means, she should avoid speaking of him at all.
Certain smells (his cologne, or the fragrance of a special food she enjoyed with him) and sounds, particularly music, will bring him back into her head at the most inopportune times. Her best bet is not to remove herself from the triggers, but to immerse herself in them until they no longer remind her of him.
It helps if she hits the social scene often by meeting friends, taking classes, and going to bookstores. If a woman makes a point of meeting new people, she will meet new men. When she meets a guy with potential, it's critical that she give him a fair chance. Mentally comparing him to her ex is a mistake. She'd have been better off staying home watching Seinfeld reruns.
A woman can get over a lost love, but only if she's willing. She must consciously block him from her heart and mind. It's not easy at first, but it does get easier. Once she evicts the guy for good, she can move on to the passion and happiness she deserves.
Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Coughing Hurts
Had a great Christmas, but I'm suffering from the worst cold in the world. Peter is on his way home, having stopped at Stop & Shop after work to pick me up some organic chicken broth.
Child One gave me the Corinne Bailey Rae CD yesterday, and it's beyond great. Listening to it now.
Child One gave me the Corinne Bailey Rae CD yesterday, and it's beyond great. Listening to it now.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Lindsay Lohan's Sex Life
This is such old news, but since the TV heads keep bringing it up, I feel compelled to comment.
Lindsay maintains, "Sex and the City changed everything for me, because those girls would just sleep with so many people."
So Lindsay sleeps with a lot of people.
And the media responded by calling her "loose" and "Firecrotch" and advising her boyfriends to get tested for STDs. This is a hilarious double standard. Nobody ever suggested that Colin Farrell's girlfriends get tested for STDs.
Sex and the City is pretty much b.s. (nobody I know who lives in Manhattan or anywhere else in New York City carries on like that). It's hardly a guide to modern living. It's entertainment, Lindsay.
However, Lindsay's disdain for monogamy may have less to do with her being like "a man," as she herself has suggested. It probably has more to do with the fact that she's 20 years old.
Sleeping around is not a great idea, but who the hell wants to settle down at 20 years old?
Attract a better man than Colin Farrell.
Lindsay maintains, "Sex and the City changed everything for me, because those girls would just sleep with so many people."
So Lindsay sleeps with a lot of people.
And the media responded by calling her "loose" and "Firecrotch" and advising her boyfriends to get tested for STDs. This is a hilarious double standard. Nobody ever suggested that Colin Farrell's girlfriends get tested for STDs.
Sex and the City is pretty much b.s. (nobody I know who lives in Manhattan or anywhere else in New York City carries on like that). It's hardly a guide to modern living. It's entertainment, Lindsay.
However, Lindsay's disdain for monogamy may have less to do with her being like "a man," as she herself has suggested. It probably has more to do with the fact that she's 20 years old.
Sleeping around is not a great idea, but who the hell wants to settle down at 20 years old?
Attract a better man than Colin Farrell.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
My Favorite Gift...
...is an Amazon gift card.
The cool thing is you don't even have to wait for it to ship. You can send it via email, allowing the recipient to order sundry items after discovering what's missing from his or her pile of Christmas loot.
In my case, it'll probably be a book. I love books, but Peter tells me he is buying me a laptop, so I'll have to get my own damn books. Right now, I'm lusting for Mysteries of the Middle Ages by Thomas Cahill. His Desire of the Everlasting Hills, a history of Jesus, blew my mind.
<
My very good friend, Daisy, planned to get me Enya's Amarantine for Christmas, but she's decided to get me something else instead.
Boo.
I bought her this one:
I got The Best of Morrissey on Saturday, and it's brilliant.
I'm dying to play "I Have Forgiven Jesus" from You Are the Quarry for my bible study group, but I'm pretty sure they'll throw me out.
It really would have helped to know this stuff when I was dating.
The cool thing is you don't even have to wait for it to ship. You can send it via email, allowing the recipient to order sundry items after discovering what's missing from his or her pile of Christmas loot.
In my case, it'll probably be a book. I love books, but Peter tells me he is buying me a laptop, so I'll have to get my own damn books. Right now, I'm lusting for Mysteries of the Middle Ages by Thomas Cahill. His Desire of the Everlasting Hills, a history of Jesus, blew my mind.
<
My very good friend, Daisy, planned to get me Enya's Amarantine for Christmas, but she's decided to get me something else instead.
Boo.
I bought her this one:
I got The Best of Morrissey on Saturday, and it's brilliant.
I'm dying to play "I Have Forgiven Jesus" from You Are the Quarry for my bible study group, but I'm pretty sure they'll throw me out.
It really would have helped to know this stuff when I was dating.
Dating a Married Man?
If it's such a bad idea, why do so many women keep on doing it? There's gotta be a payoff.
Not finished Christmas shopping yet, believe it or not, partly due to the fact that I hate malls and parking lots that force you to take chances trying to get out. I meant to do most of my shopping online, but I lost track of time.
I'll pull something off, I'm sure.
Attract a better man in 2007.
Not finished Christmas shopping yet, believe it or not, partly due to the fact that I hate malls and parking lots that force you to take chances trying to get out. I meant to do most of my shopping online, but I lost track of time.
I'll pull something off, I'm sure.
Attract a better man in 2007.
Friday, December 15, 2006
George Clooney Never Did It For Me...
...until now.
I tell you, I like him more and more all the time. So what if he doesn't ever want to get married? At least he knows it, is honest about it, and isn't wasting anybody's time.
I am so cranky today I cannot stand myself. I wanted to pop into Walgreen's to buy a Build-A-Bear gift card for some little kid, but the traffic was so bad, I gave up. Some old guy cut me off coming out of T.J. Maxx, and that was the end.
I came home, placed an order with Build-A-Bear's website, and keyed in the wrong shipping address. Oh! I had to call the 800 number to change the order and waited on hold for eight full minutes, while being subjected to some saccharine-crap song about the wonder of stuffed bears (which were no doubt manufactured by some 7-year-old Chinese kid who wasn't allowed to use the bathroom all day and was paid 10 cents for 12 hours' work).
It might be time for a nap.
If you need a good laugh like I do right now, check out Jim Gaffigan. He's hilarious.
Attract a man who makes you glad you were born.
I tell you, I like him more and more all the time. So what if he doesn't ever want to get married? At least he knows it, is honest about it, and isn't wasting anybody's time.
I am so cranky today I cannot stand myself. I wanted to pop into Walgreen's to buy a Build-A-Bear gift card for some little kid, but the traffic was so bad, I gave up. Some old guy cut me off coming out of T.J. Maxx, and that was the end.
I came home, placed an order with Build-A-Bear's website, and keyed in the wrong shipping address. Oh! I had to call the 800 number to change the order and waited on hold for eight full minutes, while being subjected to some saccharine-crap song about the wonder of stuffed bears (which were no doubt manufactured by some 7-year-old Chinese kid who wasn't allowed to use the bathroom all day and was paid 10 cents for 12 hours' work).
It might be time for a nap.
If you need a good laugh like I do right now, check out Jim Gaffigan. He's hilarious.
Attract a man who makes you glad you were born.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Is Your Cell Phone Killing Your Sex Life?
Let's hope not.
I'm very proud of myself because, not only are my Christmas cards written, I've taken a halfway decent photo of the offspring to send with it. (My brother, who is single, jokes that if he receives one more photo of somebody's kids, he is going to start responding by sending photos of himself.)
Christmas parties are fun when you know how to get noticed.
I'm very proud of myself because, not only are my Christmas cards written, I've taken a halfway decent photo of the offspring to send with it. (My brother, who is single, jokes that if he receives one more photo of somebody's kids, he is going to start responding by sending photos of himself.)
Christmas parties are fun when you know how to get noticed.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Poison 'Em Some More
I found this novel in a store yesterday and immediately picked it up, attracted by its striking cover. The synopsis on the backside read something like: "What are the chances of meeting a man who's straight, single, and willing to commit?"
Judging by the reviews on Amazon, the book is entertaining. But give me a break! Single, straight, and willing to commit men are hardly an endangered species, and I'm so tired of women's fiction that insists otherwise.
I know a cute single guy with a good job whose dates consistently ask him if he's gay (in case you're wondering, he doesn't possess any gay characteristics). Then they tell him that he has commitment issues because he isn't married. The fact is, the guy would dearly like to meet "the one" and get married, but he's hardly going to ask a woman who insists that he's gay or suffers from commitment issues for a second date. Who needs it?
He keeps asking me why women are so paranoid. I keep telling him it's because too many of them pore over In Touch Magazine every week and buy into the lack-minded crap promoted by the chick lit crowd.
Face it. If you don't believe that good men exist, you're going to dismiss the ones who are as as gay, commitmentphobic, boring, or too nice. If you can't see an opportunity, you'll miss it every time.
The world is full of wonderful men.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Poison 'Em Young
If you've ever wondered why some women are obsessed about having a man, keeping a man, when he's going to call, what he's thinking, and on and on and on, you need only check out the current issues of teen magazines. Girls are programmed to fixate on men from the time they get an allowance.
Teen's cover shouts, "How to Decode Your Crush," as if a girl should handle a boy the way MI6 deals with The Kremlin. I suppose actually talking to the boy would be out of the question. Read his mind instead. Then grow up and wonder why men can't "open up." Why should they open up when women have been trained to carry on entire relationships in our minds?
And then Seventeen counsels, "Make Your Crush Want You," as if that's possible (I know because I was a 13-year-old Seventeen subscriber once, and I tried). Forget about tips for getting into college; the magazine's other cover stories include, "405 Ways to Look Hot (At Every Party)," "Dress Like a Celebrity," and "5 Signs You're Addicted to Attention." Paris Hilton and a depressed-looking kitten serve as cover models.
CosmoGirl! tells impressionable readers how to "Party Like a Celebrity" (the cover features Party Girl Lindsay Lohan, hugging her little sister) and gives them "10 Ways to a Healthier, Hotter Body." My pick for the best cover blurb? "She Says She Was Raped...But Could She Be Lying?"
These magazines promote the idea that girls should take lifestyle and fashion cues from celebrities (the current Teen and Seventeen cover models are renowned for giving crotch shots to paparazzi) and drive themselves to distraction over some dork. If they have the misfortune of being sexually assaulted, they might be better off keeping their mouths shut. Who's going to believe them, anyway?
Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.
Teen's cover shouts, "How to Decode Your Crush," as if a girl should handle a boy the way MI6 deals with The Kremlin. I suppose actually talking to the boy would be out of the question. Read his mind instead. Then grow up and wonder why men can't "open up." Why should they open up when women have been trained to carry on entire relationships in our minds?
And then Seventeen counsels, "Make Your Crush Want You," as if that's possible (I know because I was a 13-year-old Seventeen subscriber once, and I tried). Forget about tips for getting into college; the magazine's other cover stories include, "405 Ways to Look Hot (At Every Party)," "Dress Like a Celebrity," and "5 Signs You're Addicted to Attention." Paris Hilton and a depressed-looking kitten serve as cover models.
CosmoGirl! tells impressionable readers how to "Party Like a Celebrity" (the cover features Party Girl Lindsay Lohan, hugging her little sister) and gives them "10 Ways to a Healthier, Hotter Body." My pick for the best cover blurb? "She Says She Was Raped...But Could She Be Lying?"
These magazines promote the idea that girls should take lifestyle and fashion cues from celebrities (the current Teen and Seventeen cover models are renowned for giving crotch shots to paparazzi) and drive themselves to distraction over some dork. If they have the misfortune of being sexually assaulted, they might be better off keeping their mouths shut. Who's going to believe them, anyway?
Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Cameron Diaz Is a Commitmentphobe
Apparently, Cameron Diaz told Ellen DeGeneres that she won't marry Justin Timberlake because she's a commitmentphobe. Since the media and society in general assume that it's always the man in a relationship who avoids sealing the deal, I'm so glad Cameron set the record straight.
A lot of women fear commitment. I was one of them, but I only had the vaguest sense of it at the time. I had a gift for attracting (and being attracted to) men with similar issues.
Nobody has to get married. Let's face it; too many women end up with the wrong guy because other people imply they're losers until they have rings on their fingers.
I remember a newly engaged friend's father asking me, "And when are you going to get married?"
"I'm too young," I protested.
"Too young?" the man hooted. "You're already 24!"
You'd think I was hobbling around in orthopedic shoes.
At 27, I realized that I had a full-blown terror of commitment. Seriously. I took steps to resolve it, and I did resolve it. (My book has the details.)
But, unless they're inclined otherwise, people like Cameron Diaz don't have to conquer commitmentphobia. I'll say it again: Nobody has to get married. The last time I looked, it wasn't in the Ten Commandments.
How I got over my fear of commitment.
A lot of women fear commitment. I was one of them, but I only had the vaguest sense of it at the time. I had a gift for attracting (and being attracted to) men with similar issues.
Nobody has to get married. Let's face it; too many women end up with the wrong guy because other people imply they're losers until they have rings on their fingers.
I remember a newly engaged friend's father asking me, "And when are you going to get married?"
"I'm too young," I protested.
"Too young?" the man hooted. "You're already 24!"
You'd think I was hobbling around in orthopedic shoes.
At 27, I realized that I had a full-blown terror of commitment. Seriously. I took steps to resolve it, and I did resolve it. (My book has the details.)
But, unless they're inclined otherwise, people like Cameron Diaz don't have to conquer commitmentphobia. I'll say it again: Nobody has to get married. The last time I looked, it wasn't in the Ten Commandments.
How I got over my fear of commitment.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Do You Have a Vacation to Plan?
The following is an article I sent to my mailing list last year around this time. I've since contacted a reputable cruise planner and am thinking of organizing a short singles' trip to the Bahamas, possibly in the summer.
"The world is a book, and those who do not travel, read only a page."
- Saint Augustine
Does your employer owe you vacation time? If the answer is yes, you have an excellent opportunity to meet exciting new people! Travel for singles has become a booming industry, and for good reason.
Do you love art? History? Picture yourself strolling the ornate halls of Edinburgh Castle with the man who could become your husband. Love to ski? If you sign up for a singles' ski weekend, you could wind up finding the love of your life on the slopes (it happened to Nancy and Mike!). Does romance on the high seas sound appealing? Get thee onto a singles' cruise.
Men who travel tend to be educated and successful. Take Gary, a C.P.A who likes to see the world on two wheels and frequently signs up for singles' bike tours. In July, he rode alongside the crystalline waters off Nova Scotia's Cape Breton Island with scores of like-minded people.
And that's one of the great thing about singles' travel: You're bound to meet others with whom you have something in common. Check out a couple of tour providers, see what they offer, and discern the average age of their participants (make sure you don't end up with the under-30 crowd if you're hoping to meet a man over 40, and vice versa!).
Check the Better Business Bureau to ensure the provider has a record of excellent service, kept promises, and happy customers. Then, take a deep breath, decide where you want to go, and book a trip.
What if you don't have a friend to drag along with you? Swallow hard and book anyway. When I was single I took two vacations by myself (they weren't singles' tours per se, but I stayed in Bed and Breakfasts, forcing me to socialize over rolls and coffee in the morning). I had the time of my life, met fascinating people, and learned a great deal about myself at the same time.
Afraid of looking like a friendless loser by traveling solo? Worry not. You'll look every inch the winner who takes advantage of life's opportunities. If anybody asks (and I truly doubt anyone will) why you're traveling alone, you can say, "I needed a vacation." Who doesn't?
To get started, do a search for tour operators who cater to singles, or query your own friendly neighborhood travel agent for advice. Make sure the tour operator you choose has an excellent safety record, especially if you will be traveling alone.
Will you meet the man of your dreams on a singles' vacation? Maybe. But, chances are, you'll make exciting new friends, who'll introduce you to more new friends, new men, and happy new experiences. You'll also learn a lot about an attractive, confident, smart woman (you!) in the process.
Go for it!
Get noticed.
"The world is a book, and those who do not travel, read only a page."
- Saint Augustine
Does your employer owe you vacation time? If the answer is yes, you have an excellent opportunity to meet exciting new people! Travel for singles has become a booming industry, and for good reason.
Do you love art? History? Picture yourself strolling the ornate halls of Edinburgh Castle with the man who could become your husband. Love to ski? If you sign up for a singles' ski weekend, you could wind up finding the love of your life on the slopes (it happened to Nancy and Mike!). Does romance on the high seas sound appealing? Get thee onto a singles' cruise.
Men who travel tend to be educated and successful. Take Gary, a C.P.A who likes to see the world on two wheels and frequently signs up for singles' bike tours. In July, he rode alongside the crystalline waters off Nova Scotia's Cape Breton Island with scores of like-minded people.
And that's one of the great thing about singles' travel: You're bound to meet others with whom you have something in common. Check out a couple of tour providers, see what they offer, and discern the average age of their participants (make sure you don't end up with the under-30 crowd if you're hoping to meet a man over 40, and vice versa!).
Check the Better Business Bureau to ensure the provider has a record of excellent service, kept promises, and happy customers. Then, take a deep breath, decide where you want to go, and book a trip.
What if you don't have a friend to drag along with you? Swallow hard and book anyway. When I was single I took two vacations by myself (they weren't singles' tours per se, but I stayed in Bed and Breakfasts, forcing me to socialize over rolls and coffee in the morning). I had the time of my life, met fascinating people, and learned a great deal about myself at the same time.
Afraid of looking like a friendless loser by traveling solo? Worry not. You'll look every inch the winner who takes advantage of life's opportunities. If anybody asks (and I truly doubt anyone will) why you're traveling alone, you can say, "I needed a vacation." Who doesn't?
To get started, do a search for tour operators who cater to singles, or query your own friendly neighborhood travel agent for advice. Make sure the tour operator you choose has an excellent safety record, especially if you will be traveling alone.
Will you meet the man of your dreams on a singles' vacation? Maybe. But, chances are, you'll make exciting new friends, who'll introduce you to more new friends, new men, and happy new experiences. You'll also learn a lot about an attractive, confident, smart woman (you!) in the process.
Go for it!
Get noticed.
NBC's Warped Priorities
Although I'm sorry to hear that Greg from The Wiggles
is sick and quitting the group, I am a bit surprised that The Today Show ran the story at 7:20 this morning.
I somehow doubt that the children of Darfur are very banged up about Greg's departure when their parents, friends, and neighbors are being massacred every single day. (To be fair, NBC's Ann Curry is one of the few American journalists who's even covered the genocide.)
If you'd like to help, you can sign an online postcard and ask President Bush to promote peace in the region.
is sick and quitting the group, I am a bit surprised that The Today Show ran the story at 7:20 this morning.
I somehow doubt that the children of Darfur are very banged up about Greg's departure when their parents, friends, and neighbors are being massacred every single day. (To be fair, NBC's Ann Curry is one of the few American journalists who's even covered the genocide.)
If you'd like to help, you can sign an online postcard and ask President Bush to promote peace in the region.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
The Aladdin Factor
I bought this book several years ago, put it on a shelf, and forgot about it.
I developed a sudden urge to read it last week, so I scoured my 96 bookcases to find it. I have to say, it's absolutely amazing. If you're like me and sometimes hesitant to ask for what you want (for whatever reason), this book will help you. The first exercise alone blew my mind.
Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.
I developed a sudden urge to read it last week, so I scoured my 96 bookcases to find it. I have to say, it's absolutely amazing. If you're like me and sometimes hesitant to ask for what you want (for whatever reason), this book will help you. The first exercise alone blew my mind.
Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.
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