Dazed and Confused

Dear Terry-

A certain guy I have been friends with for many years approached me and told me he is interested in me, and that he cares about me. He said with time, he surely hopes something will materialize. He said he is a serious guy and wants a serious relationship, but he indicated "soon."

Am a little confused as to what he is thinking.

He calls now and again, sends emails and texts and sometimes he goes quiet. When he sees me chatting with another guy he gets jealous.

What should I do? Please help.

-A Tenderheart in Need of Guidance

Dear Tenderheart-

Keep chatting with other guys, not to make this one jealous, but because you're not involved with him and have every right to enjoy the company of other men.

If he truly wants something to "materialize" between you, well, then shouldn't he see to it that it does? What is he waiting for?

You say you're confused as to what he's thinking. Guess what? It's not your job to figure out what he's thinking. It's his job to communicate it to you. Keep your responses to his texts and emails brief and to the point. If he "goes quiet," don't attempt to contact him.

He said cares about you and wants a relationship. Let him prove it. Until then, have fun and keep moving. If he ends up losing you, he'll have nobody to blame but himself.

-Terry

Mock of Love

It came down to Heather and Jes on the finale of Rock of Love last night. At long last Bret made his decision, but not until he spread his man-seed around one last time.

Parts of last night's episode proved truly revolting. After spending the night with Bret, Heather warned Jes, who was on her way out for her date with Bret, to remember where his mouth had been the night before. Jes made some allusions to Heather needing a shower earlier on, complaining that she smelled of "rotten _______."

My stomach is still turning.

Jes "won" Bret (as if anyone really considers him a prize) when she passed his last and final test. As she and Heather stood before him for the ordination phase of the show, he asked if they'd consider sharing him.

Our hero requested Heather's answer first. Poor fool probably figured that saying 'yes' would ensure her safety; after all, Bret confessed to finding girl-on-girl action hot in a previous episode, and by the way he'd been throwing his bod around, monogamy didn't appear to be his strong suit.

"I'd love to," she told him.

Wrong answer.

Jes told him what he wanted to hear, that she could never share a man she loves. It just wasn't "in" her.

And so Bret told Heather their love was not to be, which sent her running to her limousine, probably back to the strip club whence she came. She launched into a hilarious tirade about what an a-hole loser he turned out to be, and worried what the hell is she going to do with his name tattooed on her neck.

Meanwhile, the rest of us are left wondering exactly what vinyl-like hair substitute our hero had peeking from behind his bandana. Surely, VH1 could have thrown the guy a decent toupee.

How Much Sex Is Too Much Sex?

Men think about sex about every seven minutes.

But what about women? What about you? Are you some kind of a sex addict, or do you just enjoy a healthy appetite?

Former fatigue sufferer and Get Ready for Love radio host Viveca Stone-Berry interviews Dr. Charlotte Kasl to discuss women, sex and addiction.

Click here and listen in.

Down, Boy!

Hi Terry,

I just love your advice and down-to-earth common sense. Would love your opinion on my own individual situation and wonder if this happens to any other women.

I am on an internet dating service, and I get heaps of contacts and my choice of dates from desirable men.

However, from date one they seem very keen, almost too keen and start talking romance straight away, then sending me texts professing their interest and desire. This freaks me out a little and I feel they are coming on too strong, too soon.

When I try to slow the pace down to a level that is comfortable to me, they seem to take offence and move on to someone else pretty quickly.

Last week, for example, I met a great guy for a coffee after he contacted me on the dating site. It was obvious he was really into me and asked me out to dinner that coming weekend. I wasn’t sure if I was attracted to him or not. I need more than one date usually to know.

When he phoned me during the week he came on pretty strong again, so I suggested we start just as friends initially.

He then emailed me later to cancel the date with the excuse that he was giving dating a miss for a while. But he has continued to stay on the site, so this seems untrue and was his way of giving me the brush off.

So, now I am wondering if I am sabotaging these relationships too early, or if these men are not able to accept what I consider to be reasonable boundaries.

Please help. I am now ...

-Confused

Dear Confused:

Thanks for the kind words.

Judging by the response you're getting online, you must be very attractive! The fact that the men you meet are smitten with you is an excellent sign, as well.

However, you're right to take things slowly. Why shouldn't you be allowed to take your time in getting to know a man and letting an attraction develop?

Unfortunately, once you say, "Let's start out as friends," lots of men interpret that to mean, "I'm not interested in you."

If a man starts coming on too strong, you might smile and say, "Let's see what happens. I'm looking forward to dinner Saturday night."

If he sends a flowery text, I'd respond the same way. That way, you can hold him off a bit without letting him think he's been rejected.

-Terry

Help for Women Who Date Online

Dating Coach Ronnie Ann Ryan told me yesterday about What Do You Know About Romeo, a site that calls itself a "collective of women who want to help out their fellow women by reviewing the guys they've met online." They cover all major online dating sites, so check it out by clicking here.

The bonus? Membership is free!

Why He Fell in Love

Originally uploaded by Maybell21

Last Thursday, I got to talking to an Australian man (let's call him Tim) in the waiting room at the eye doctor's. I'm acquainted with his wife; we attend the same networking meeting at the Huntington Street Cafe.

I asked him how they met. He told me he'd been traveling around the world and had taken a job at a YMCA in New Canaan, Connecticut, where his wife (let's call her Susie) was also employed. She was much younger than he, but they became friends. Eventually, he got to know her parents and siblings. He thought of them as his American family, and of Susie as a little sister.

He went back to Australia.

For the next five years, he and Susie wrote to each other. "A handwritten letter is something you can hold in your hand. It means that someone actually cared enough to sit down and write to you," he said. "Over time, our relationship changed. I became attracted to Susie. She was the most genuine person I'd ever met."

The guy fell in love with his wife not because she was beautiful, big-breasted, rich, or the owner of a classic Corvette. He fell in love with her because she was genuine.

"By 1996, she wasn't too young for me anymore. She visited my family and me in Australia, and we got married there."

The third drawer in the dresser of the bedroom they now share contains every letter they sent one another. He plans to pass them onto their son some day.

The Truth About the Guy Who Liked You...and Then Didn't

Gotta love Manslator Jeff Mac for telling women the truth about men.

At Manslations today, he explains why that guy who seemed so crazy about you suddenly stopped calling. Read it here.

Knowledge is power.

Schlock of Love

The best thing about VH1's Rock of Love is witnessing the ease with which Bret Michaels spreads his affections. He kisses each and every one of the show's low self-esteemed contestants with heart-melting tenderness and passion. He tucks his chin and pours his eyes into the eyes of whomever happens to sit across from him.

A few years ago, Nicole Kidman won an Academy Award for playing Bret Michaels in Moulin Rouge.

Last night's Rock of Love, intended to tease us in TV Land into a froth for next week's finale (will it be Jes or Heather? I'm so excited I cannot breathe!), took us behind the scenes of earlier episodes.

One highlight showed 44-year-old Bret playing Butt Bongo Fiesta with "Rodeo," the personal trainer/clothing designer/single mother of a 7-year-old. In another memorable moment, crazy vegetarian Lacey tore chicken breasts with her bare hands and hid clumps in her rivals' pillows (better watch out, Lace; keep it up and PETA will take away your T-shirt).

The moneyshot, of course, featured the girl-on-girl action we all clamor for: Heather, the knucklehead with Bret's name tattooed on her neck, making out with some other knucklehead.

While I'll definitely tune in next week to see how this debacle ends, I'm not particularly interested in seeing which of the two remaining LSEs (or women with crushingly low self-esteem) Bret chooses. A recent Google search turned up an interview with our hero, in which he said that the relationship with the mother of his two daughters (you read that right; Butt Bongo Baldie is a father -- of girls!) "may have a future."

Clearly, Bret doesn't know his ass from his elbow, so say a prayer for his children and their mother. In the meantime, somebody please buy the poor bastard another beer bong.

Gotta Love 'Dear Abby'

Her column today featured a letter from a woman who met her husband under the most unusual circumstances.

You can read it by clicking here (after today, click and key 'Woman's Online White Knight Becomes Her Prince Charming' into the search bar on the Dear Abby homepage.

I really liked Abby's take on the subject of meeting men online vs. offline.

O.J. Simpson's Girlfriend

It's hard to believe that any woman would hang around with the likes of O.J. Simpson, but 12 years ago, a pretty 20-year-old started dating the accused wife killer. They've been together ever since.

Her name is Christie Prody. She's now 32 and looking a bit worse for wear. I guess loving O.J. isn't easy. Here's a clip from this morning's Today Show about this woman who friends describe as "a shy girl."

After the original broadcast, Today brought in relationship experts to discuss Prody's unfortunate attraction. Dr. Drew Pinsky maintains that women who go for bad bets like O.J. are often expressing a subconscious wish to heal difficult relationships with their own fathers.

Is America Ready for a Woman President?

When I was a little girl, I really and truly believed we'd have one by now, but it didn't happen.

Last night, The Daily Show's Samantha Bee offered her perspective on the question. It's hilarious, and you can watch it here:



My friend's husband, a cardiologist who grew up in Greece, says it's high time America got with the times and elected a woman to its highest office. He backs Hillary.

It's way too early for me to decide who I'll vote for (although I'm quite sure who I won't vote for). I just wish more than one woman had stepped up to run this race.

Bitches

Yesterday, I objected to the current fashion of substituting the word "bitch" for "woman." It's bad enough when a guy does it (actually, it's a red flag, so don't date him), but it's especially troubling when females do it.

You hear it on reality television, but real-life women and girls love to "bitch," too. I know a group of attractive, middle-class girls from Connecticut who routinely refer to each other as "bitches." Sometimes they get fancy and call each other, "bee-yotch."

It's idiotic.

Not only do they consider people of their own sex mongrels, they take style pointers from Paris Hilton (one of them actually carries a little purebreed in her purse). They live their lives according to the gospel of Teen People.

Unfortunately, some of their post-college counterparts also suffer from the disease that makes them disrespect other women.

On Saturday night, I went out with friends. While we were having drinks after dinner, a group of 20-something women cackled at a forty-ish woman as she danced to "Living On a Prayer" by Bon Jovi. Then one of them further insulted the dancer by swiping her seat at the bar. Did it ever occur to these dopes--if they're lucky-- that they'll be 40 one day?

To cap things off, yesterday my daughter came home from school and told me of a conflict she had with girl in her class, who likes to go by the nickname, "Albanian Slut."

Albanian Slut cornered my daughter. "Do you have a crush on B___________?" she barked. "You better not, Bitch! You stay the #@#$ away from my man!"

Her man? These girls are 12 years old.

In case you haven't noticed, most guys don't treat each other this way.

Women complain that we're still second-class citizens, but a lot of the time it's our own fault. If you call other women "bitches," guess what? You're the problem. If you spend half the day on the phone criticizing other women, you're the problem.

And if you think you have to degrade other women to get a man's attention, you're really the problem.

Rock of Sleaze

VH1's Rock of Love lost any charm it once possessed last night with the broadcast of "Meet the Parents."

The parents of the three remaining LSEs (or women who hold themselves in startling low self-esteem) were rolled in to meet Bret Michaels, the egomaniacal frontman of the the forgettable '80s hair band, Poison.

It's bad enough that any human being would willingly subject herself to the humiliation Bret and the show's sadistic producers shell out, but it's inconceivable that she would do it in front of her parents.

Bret took each of the LSEs and the people who spawned them on a field trip, in an effort to get to know them better. Heather, the stripper who had our hero's name permanently branded on her neck, and her crew got to go to Bret's favorite restaurant.

While enjoying a beer bong, Heather's purple-faced father treated his host with fart stories, which had Bret slapping his knee in earnest. Who knew that Bret Michaels loves a good fart story? What a regular guy! Then Heather treated us to a spirited performance on a mechanical bull.

Next, Bret took Jes and her parents shopping for rock star clothing, gleefully transforming Jes' middle-American-looking, middle-aged mother into the village idiot.

Then our hero met up with Lacey, the resident wacko, and her wacko father and surprisingly sane-looking stepmother. Lacey's dad bragged that he's a successful man and informed Bret that if he wanted to marry his daughter he'd have to sign a pre-nup.

Later on, Heather revealed to Lacey's parents (and everybody else) that Lacey had been providing Bret with oral sex, while she, good girl, hadn't done "anything sexual" with him. She is clearly the better person. Lacey is a slut! An evil, evil slut! Heather then announced that she is in love with Bret, the recipient of said oral sex.

Is it just me who sees the flaw in Heather's logic? (If her parents did, we weren't privy to their objections.)

Incensed, Lacey's father tracked down Bret to investigate. Cut to Bret, who confided to us in TV land, "Wow. Every rock star's nightmare. A man asking if his daughter's been s______ your c_____.

Note to Bret: It's usually best not to refer to oneself as a rock star when it just underscores the sad reality that you're really not. Bruce Springsteen is a rock star. So is David Bowie. And Ann Wilson. And Chrissy Hynde. And dead people like John Lennon and Jerry Garcia.

But you? No.

I still cannot understand what any of the LSEs stands to gain by winning this "rock star." (My cousin maintains they're all actresses hungry for exposure, but somehow I doubt any of them will show up in Hedda Gabler, let alone on The View.)

Lacey got the boot last night, so we're down to Jes and Heather. My money was on Jes for a while, but she's got this terrible habit of calling other women "bitches," and it's kind of hard to abide.

Secrets of Attraction

Viveca Stone-Berry interviewed Sandra Ann Taylor, author of Secrets of Attraction: The Universal Laws of Love, Sex, and Romance (I've read it and recommend it), for her Get Ready For Love radio show.

Listen by clicking here.

Law of Attraction Strikes Again

Sophia Loren, Venice, 1955

Well, I'm going out with The Girls on Saturday night (and not the ones I gave birth to, either). It's a major feat scheduling the group of us into the same place at the same time, but it looks like we'll pull it off.

Despite the fact that we'll drink like sailors, these special evenings require a modicum of glamour, so I ran the contents of my closet through my mind to put together the perfect outfit. I decided on the gray pleated A-line skirt with the fitted V-neck black top, except I could not find the top. Anywhere.

Last night, I decided to go shopping this morning for a similar top. Oh, and a pair of patent leather pumps. And a bag (it's time to retire that white thing I carried around all summer). I found the last two items, but the right top eluded me. I found something similar with a crew neck, but that will not do.

So I drove home and rummaged through my drawers and my closet and the offsprings' drawers and closet--and came up empty again. But all the while I saw myself Saturday night in my outfit. I had it down to lipstick and earrings. I felt myself in it.

Later on, as I left a voice mail for my aunt, the doorbell rang. It was the postman with a package from my friend, M, who'd called Tuesday to say she was sending me a teapot and some clothes she'd bought on a whim and never wore.

A few hours later, while watching the rerun of last night's Daily Show, I opened M's box and discovered the very top I need for Saturday night.

This not the first time I used LoA to attract the right outfit, although in the past, I've actually drawn on paper the dress I wanted to wear to a wedding--and then gone out and found it (which beat sewing it, that's for sure).

For those of you who are just joining me, I also used the Law of Attraction to meet the kind of man I wanted to marry. Then I married him.

You In the Nude?

Recently, a reader wrote in to ask my opinion of her new boyfriend's request that they exchange nude photos via email. At the time, I thought it was a no-brainer. Why would any intelligent person consider doing such a thing, especially in the Internet age?

I wrote to tell her that it was a terrible idea. Since then, I've learned that taking nude photos and performing in homemade porn flicks rivals the popularity of, say, the craze for brewing one's own beer in the early 1990s.

For example:

A couple of weeks ago, a mild-mannered, churchgoing man told me that he threatened a neighborhood teen not to copy or distribute a sex tape in which the boy appeared with the man's daughter.

And...

A newlywed couple invited their parents over to view footage from their Caribbean honeymoon. They accidentally screened parts of it that should have been kept in the dark.

And...

While cleaning out a closet, a teenage girl came across a stack of nude photos of her older brother and his wife.

Do you get where I'm going with this?

Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, and now Vanessa Hudgens (that's V in the photo) have shown up on the Internet in the buff, and it amounts to brilliant publicity. They're celebrities. But for real people like you and me, posing nude or performing sex acts for the camera inevitably results in disaster.

Resist all temptation.

Dating Advice From a Man Who Knows

When you want to know what a guy is thinking, it helps to get a man's perspective.

That's why I love Jeff Mac. He's smart, compassionate, and funny (when he's not dispensing love and dating advice, he's a comedian; you may have caught his act on Comedy Central).

Check out Jeff's take on your chances of becoming the 'girlfriend' instead of the 'friend,' what it means when a guy doesn't make a move, and the truth about those tricks women's mags prescribe to drive a guy wild in bed here!

Got something to ask Jeff? He's taking questions..

He's Not Your Mr. Right

Dear Terry:

Earlier this summer I invited a guy I was dating steadily to attend a concert with me this coming weekend. The tickets cost me $160.00.

NOW HERE'S THE DILEMMA: We I haven't been out together since August 5th, althought I did see him August 11th to pick up a hat I left in his car. That parting was cold and indifferent. The last bit of warmth I felt from the guy was in July .

(Although he did call on Labor Day to invite me to play golf. I wasn't available, so I called him on his cell and left a voice mail and sent him an email too. Heard nothing since...)

Back to the concert: What should I do about it? Should I remind him? Am I still entitled to go with him?

Please help. Time is ticking on this one.

-Confused North of the Border

Dear Confused:

Today is Tuesday. Email this person and remind him about the concert. Tell him that if you don't hear from him by tomorrow evening that you will give his ticket away.

In the meantime, line up someone fun to take it (friend, relative, co-worker, whatever) in case he doesn't get back to you. Go to the concert. Make a firm decision to have a great time.

Stop thinking about the money you put out; what's done is done.

Your previous emails to me indicate that this guy is probably not the right man for you. If he doesn't contact you, be grateful you weren't stuck wasting another perfectly good Saturday night with him.

Bret Michaels In Vegas

You really need a pen and a notebook to fully enjoy Rock of Love. Some of the stuff that comes out of Bret Michaels' mouth is hilarious. (I didn't have the proper equipment on hand last night, so forgive me for paraphrasing.)

To help determine which of the four LSEs would go home this week, Bret took them to Las Vegas (where, odds are, he's bald as a bean underneath the 'do rag) to see him in concert.

"They've seen Bret Michaels the man," he explained, "and now I want them to see Bret Michaels the rock star." Actually, the way he said it was even more obnoxious, so catch the repeat if you have the stomach for it tonight at 6.

Two of the LSEs got wasted at the concert after-party (which appeared to be little more than being forced to booze it up with a couple of band members--no Bret in sight-- in a storage closet; furthermore, you'd think a rock-n-roll party would include music). Then, all four of them went off to meet Bret in his room for dinner, where the LSE in the above photo threw up at the table.

The winning (or, in this case, best-behaved) LSE got to stick around for a nightcap. Jes, the pretty, pink-haired Mother Teresa, who cleaned up the Vomiting Wonder, was rewarded for her efforts. Lucky girl exclaimed the next morning, "I got to know him sexually!"

But not before Bret announced:

"After I pulled Brandi's head out of the toilet, she said the most touching thing to me. She said she's falling in love with me."

Later on in the show, The King of Chastity spent a night with another LSE, not Brandi, but a volatile (and possibly psychotic) person named Lacey. The way Bret spreads the love around, somebody might want to send him out for a blood test.

In the end, Vomiting Brandi packed her bags, despite the proclamation of love she made from that cold tile floor. Lacey, Jes, and Heather (the LSE who had 'Bret' tattooed onto her neck last week) will return next week for more hijinks.

Beauty Tip For a Hot Date

To avoid showing up looking like you've been shot out of a cannon, sleep is paramount. Former insomniac Viveca Stone-Berry offers this round-up of tips that'll put you in dreamland in no time.

While some of the tips are aimed to women with children, others will benefit any woman --or man-- in need of a good night's sleep (I especially like Tips 5 and 6 myself).

No pills or booze required.