More About the Man Surge in New York City

From yesterday's New York Times article by Sam Roberts:

"Since 2000, men, mostly between the ages of 25 and 44, have accounted for more than three-fourths of the population increase in Lower Manhattan. As a result, according to a special census calculation, the sex ratio there increased to 126 men per 100 women in 2005, from 101 men per 100 women in 2000."

Where the Boys Are Now

"Men now outnumber women in Lower Manhattan by a ratio of 126 to 100, a disparity usually seen only in towns with prisons or military bases."

--The New York Times, Sunday, April 22, 2007

Cruise For Singles

We're no longer accepting reservations for the cruise in August. Please check this space for news of the next one!

A River Still Runs Through It

Last Sunday's storm hit us hard.

We still have a river running through our basement and garage; it'll remain there until the water table drops. The Amazing V was housesitting for L, who's in England visiting in-laws, and stayed up until 3 AM shop vacuuming L's giganto basement.

Then she went home and cleaned up her own.

I'm not getting too worked up about our water situation. I have to look at it positively. Now that we know where the house is vulnerable, we can fix it.

On Thursday, I took Child One into Manhattan to visit my brother and to see Blades of Glory. The kid is a Will Ferrell addict. For Easter, I bought her SNL: The Best of Will Ferrell, and I've seen the cow bell skit at least 46 times now. I know Will Ferrell's body better than my own husband's.

Peter says Will must have a clause in his contract that allows him to strip down to his BVDs at least once in every movie (athough I think he remained clothed in Stranger Than Fiction). During Blades of Glory, it occured to me that the man must stay up nights thinking up ways to make himself repulsive.

The most hilarious part of that movie was, for me, when Will gave Jon Heder a tour of his tattoos.

The weather has finally broken here in New England. I am absolutely thrilled.

About Love and Relationships

This morning Ronnie Ann Ryan will interview me for a podcast she'll make available to her audience.

Saving Graces

My friend, H, recommended Elizabeth Edwards' Saving Graces: Finding Solace and Strength from Friends and Strangers.

I admire Elizabeth Edwards.

I saw her speak at a town hall meeting on C-SPAN during the 2004 election, and she blew me away with the depth of her understanding on every single issue that affects average Americans. She has a particularly interesting perspective because she grew up in a military family and spent much of her childhood on bases.

She knows firsthand what it means to have a loved one (in her case, her father) out on some mission and wonder if he's ever coming back.

She also describes what set her husband apart from the other guys she dated. It's easy to see why she fell for him.

As for me, I'm falling more for the guy every day.

Kate Winslet's Great Relationship Advice

Rented The Holiday the other day with Kate Winslet, Cameron Diaz, and Jack Black. It's diverting, slow in parts, but ultimately worthwhile for the lesson about unrequited love Kate Winslet's character learns, and then teaches Jack Black's.

Have you signed up for the cruise yet?

It's for fun, achievement-oriented single people with souls.

Relationships Start With You

"I recall a woman who was sixty-five when her husband died. After his death, she was lonely, missed male companionship, and wanted to remarry. The first thing she told me was: 'There aren't any good men.' Her very words sentenced her to a life without a new mate. The words you speak become your personal laws because of the creative power of the subconscious. Start listening to what you say, and you will become conscious of what you are affirming and the cause behind the results in your life."

-Terry Cole-Whittaker, from her book, What You Think of Me is None of My Business

Out With the Girls

Last night I met the girls for drinks at The Metro. Peter and I eat there quite a bit, but I'd never set foot in the bar before.

I was pleasantly surprised to find a cozy atmosphere, a fairly attractive crowd, and decent music. I was seated with my back to a table of five cutish guys who smiled nicely at us on their way out.

Our waitress, however, was a bit chilly (although she served us well), no doubt anticipating a lousy gratuity from a group of women. We tipped her lavishly.

That put a smile on her face. I hope we made progress in killing the stereotype that women are cheap and deserve bad service.

I got to talking to one of the newer women in our group, and like me, she met her husband in a bar (he's extremely successful, by the way; you could slip three houses like mine into hers).

Our friend, L, who couldn't join us because she's in England visiting her in-laws, met her handsome, successful husband in a bar, as well.

Nice Girls Shouldn't Finish Last In Love

People pleasers tend to get hurt. Fortunately, you can cure yourself of the disease to please.

Here's help.

Where I've Been

The last week has been a whirlwind, but mostly in a good way. I've been out and about promoting the cruise for single people, and then Peter and I had the whole family up for Easter.

One relative stayed for a few days (which is what I most definitely wanted). Unfortunately, she's forgetful and increasingly confused, which concerns me because she lives alone and insists on driving. (She told me point-blank that I have no right to tell her to do otherwise.)

I said goodbye to her yesterday with my fingernails in my palms, and then headed off to an appointment in Manhattan with my cardiologist/internist (part of my commitment to Fatique Be Gone).

Today I went to a couple of meetings and came home to a ringing phone. A teacher called to say that my daughter's progress at school "concerns" her. (The kid is perceptive, creative, and smarter than most people I know, but she does suffer from some undiagnosed learning problem; I've scheduled yet another appointment--this time with an ophthalmologist who specializes in Vision Therapy--to see if we can get to the root of it).

Tomorrow I plan to glue myself to my desk for most of the day. Fortunately, we're expecting bad weather, and I won't be tempted to be anywhere else.

What Don Imus Said

You can't defend Don Imus' stupid comment about the Rutgers Women's Basketball Team, but women are called 'ho' every day of the week on network television.

Last week (or the week before), Jay Leno made a joke about a poll revealing that women want more money and men want more sex. The punchline? If women would give men more sex, they'd get more money.

As far as I know, nobody called him out on it.

India Arie - Ready for Love (and Using the Law of Attraction to Get It)

When using the Law of Attraction, you gotta set an intention. Here's the song Viveca Stone-Berry used to set hers and attract her husband. Read the story here.

Abusive Relationships

They're more common that you might think. According to Safe Horizon, an organization devoted to "moving victims of violence from crisis to confidence," the signs of an abusive relationship can be difficult to recognize.

A partner who accuses you of cheating and being disloyal is just one. Take a look at this list for the rest.

More About the Singles' Cruise

Click here for Cruise Planners' website.

I'm excited!

Singles' Cruise This August!

I'm doing it!

For a couple of years now, I've been telling Peter I wanted to put a cruise for single people together. I didn't know how to go about it, though. Last June, I met Virginia DeDad, a longtime expert in cruise travel, who gave me the push I needed.

Here's the deal:

Escape the dog days of August! Join us for a 4-day cruise for singles, ages 30-50, to Canada’s breathtaking St. John, New Brunswick. We’ll leave New York on Thursday, August 16th and return Monday, August 20th.

This trip is a terrific value (rates are $489, $549, and $599). We’ll sail the Carnival Victory, one of the world’s largest and most popular cruise ships. A true floating resort, the Victory offers all this and much, much more:

 Singles Meet and Greet
 Live music (at least 3 bands and orchestras)
 Multiple whirlpools
 Volleyball on Sports Deck
 Dance classes
 Water slide
 Golf lessons
 Art auctions
 Fine dining, including late night buffets
 Casual dining
 Spa dining (healthful low-fat and low-cal cuisine)
 Sushi bar
 Swimming pools
 Full casino
 Internet Café
 Duty-free shopping
 Bars and lounges
 Comedy acts
 Spectacular stage shows
 Complete state-of-the art fitness center
 Yoga and Pilates classes
 Library
 Sumptuous beds with high-thread-count linens
 Nightly turndown service


Give Cruise Planners a call at 800-794-0741, and Virginia will get you on board. She's organized sea travel for more than 20 years, and cruises are her passion. Book before April 13 and save 5%.

Note: New regulations require travelers to Canada to have a passport, so make sure yours is current. We’ll see you on August 16th!

When the Dude Stops Calling

Mimi Tanner pulls no punches on this subject. Here's an excerpt from her book, Calling Men:

You can certainly judge a relationship by the frequency of phone calls. When you're seeing him as much as you want to; when he's regularly initiating contact; when you feel cherished and appreciated, then you know things are going well.

If the calls start becoming much less frequent - or worse, if the calls completely stop - then you have an entirely different situation on your hands.

Something is definitely wrong. Your man is either losing interest in you, or gaining interest in someone else, or both.

When your man stops calling you and emailing you as he was before, it's a bad feeling. It's also a reality that must be faced and diagnosed accurately, if you want the best chance for restoring the closeness you had with the man you have
been dating. But women often do not want to see their man's behavior for what it is.

Women Tend to Go Into Denial When Their Man Stops Calling

It's very hard to accept the plain and unpleasant fact that this change in your man's calling behavior almost always means he is losing interest in the relationship.

When this happens, women so often say things like, "Things were wonderful between us. Then he stopped calling. What does this mean?"

What does it mean? You won't have to call in the FBI to figure it out.

You'll save yourself precious weeks, months, and years of putting your life on hold if you learn to interpret a man's not calling you (or calling you less) to mean exactly what it does mean: he is moving away from your relationship. Better to face the facts early and plainly, so you can respond in the way that gives you the best chance to keep your relationship with him - if staying with him is what you want.

Otherwise you'll find yourself calling him to ask him the same question, "What does this mean?" Trust me; that will not improve matters! That's not how to handle this situation.

No relationship stands still. It's either getting closer or getting farther apart. Your actions will affect the relationship even now, when his interest seems to be waning.

Judge men's feelings by their actions - whether your man admits that he's losing interest or not.

Your man may not be sure of his feelings just yet. He doesn't want to hurt your feelings or get into a heavy discussion, either. He may also want to hang on to you to at least some extent. But if you're smart, you'll base your opinions entirely on your man's actions - nothing more and nothing less.

If you don't, you'll spend valuable time waiting and waiting with false hope.

You could also change the situation from one where your man was considering backing away from you to a breakup that is now written in stone - if you make the wrong moves now.

You cannot force a relationship by calling him.

One reason that women want to call men - and are sorely tempted to
call their man when they are not hearing from him--is because women think that by calling him, it will further their connection withhim. It will keep their relationship going. It will make their relationship happen. No calls, no contact = no relationship.

But the problem is that you cannot force a connection and a relationship by making that call, as painful as that can be. Calling him will not make it happen; nor will writing letters or sending emails. The same goes for sending letters, cards,
or emails to your man's friends or family. (Oh, no, there goes another backdoor attempt to sneak our way into his heart - make his family adore us! That will not make him adore us. It may make him want to avoid us even more, since he sees this ploy for what it is.)

...Could there be another explanation for his not calling me?

Dear Mimi,

Could it be that the guy might be interested in a woman, but is
thinking it through when he doesn't reply to her emails or calls?
Should it always mean he isn't interested? --A.

No, that is just plain old wishful thinking. It's an example of the denial women go through when a special man in their lives stops calling them.

When it comes to women, men don't sit around and ponder. They act!

Women sometimes try to interpret an apparent lack of interest as something more positive - in other words, they make excuses for a man's lack of calls. Women who talk themselves into believing that a man is just "thinking things over" are living in a dream world. What's worse, they waste valuable time waiting for the man who is not calling them.

What NOT to do when your man does not call...

...and on that cliffhanger we'll end that excerpt!

I certainly have been receiving wonderful emails from readers,
and I am saving them for sharing here, as always.

With love,
Mimi Tanner

Massage Therapy Is On the Rise

I have a theory it's for the same reason old women go to the hairdresser so often.

Get Ready For Love founder Viveca Stone-Berry offers an incisive take on the subject.

St. Patrick's Day Season Continues

So say the good people at Guinness.

In honor of the season, I offer this bit o' amusement:

How to Lose at Love

I have a friend (let's call him Jimbo) who is a total loser with women. He's not the greatest-looking individual, but he's hardly repellent. He's a kind soul, he's intelligent, and he comes from a good family. He also makes a decent living.

He's also extremely generous, which is his downfall. The minute he comes home from a first date, he calls a florist to send the woman an enormous bouquet of roses. He follows up with gifts of jewelry, and in one extreme case, he bought a woman a car.

The person on the receiving end of this largesse reacts in one of two ways. Either she smells desperation and hits the highway, or she takes him for all he's worth and dumps him. The guy can't win.

Jimbo watches shorter, balder dudes with unfortunate complexions marry and have children, and he decides that God must have it out for him. Nobody (and, believe me, plenty of us have tried) can convince him that it's his clear lack of self-esteem that puts women off.

Certain females suffer from the Jimbo Affliction, too. They kill whatever attraction a man felt for them by buying him gifts too early in the relationship. They anxiously offer to babysit his sister's kids in a sad attempt to show that they're excellent mother material (in which case the guy will be turned off, or worse, he'll figure he's found an excellent slave and propose).

My brother once dated a young woman who made his bed, but he pined for another who didn't know how to cook and didn't care to learn. He came to find the bed-maker about as exciting as an old slipper.

This isn't to say that, if you're dating a person, you shouldn't be kind, help out with children, make a good meal, or buy a lovely present when it's warranted. But being overeager kills love and romance every time.

Everybody wants a prize. The prize has to be you, and not just the things you buy or do.