My Favorite Gift...

...is an Amazon gift card.




The cool thing is you don't even have to wait for it to ship. You can send it via email, allowing the recipient to order sundry items after discovering what's missing from his or her pile of Christmas loot.

In my case, it'll probably be a book. I love books, but Peter tells me he is buying me a laptop, so I'll have to get my own damn books. Right now, I'm lusting for Mysteries of the Middle Ages by Thomas Cahill. His Desire of the Everlasting Hills, a history of Jesus, blew my mind.

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My very good friend, Daisy, planned to get me Enya's Amarantine for Christmas, but she's decided to get me something else instead.

Boo.



I bought her this one:

I got The Best of Morrissey on Saturday, and it's brilliant.

I'm dying to play "I Have Forgiven Jesus" from You Are the Quarry for my bible study group, but I'm pretty sure they'll throw me out.



It really would have helped to know this stuff when I was dating.

Dating a Married Man?

If it's such a bad idea, why do so many women keep on doing it? There's gotta be a payoff.

Not finished Christmas shopping yet, believe it or not, partly due to the fact that I hate malls and parking lots that force you to take chances trying to get out. I meant to do most of my shopping online, but I lost track of time.

I'll pull something off, I'm sure.

Attract a better man in 2007.

George Clooney Never Did It For Me...

...until now.

I tell you, I like him more and more all the time. So what if he doesn't ever want to get married? At least he knows it, is honest about it, and isn't wasting anybody's time.

I am so cranky today I cannot stand myself. I wanted to pop into Walgreen's to buy a Build-A-Bear gift card for some little kid, but the traffic was so bad, I gave up. Some old guy cut me off coming out of T.J. Maxx, and that was the end.

I came home, placed an order with Build-A-Bear's website, and keyed in the wrong shipping address. Oh! I had to call the 800 number to change the order and waited on hold for eight full minutes, while being subjected to some saccharine-crap song about the wonder of stuffed bears (which were no doubt manufactured by some 7-year-old Chinese kid who wasn't allowed to use the bathroom all day and was paid 10 cents for 12 hours' work).

It might be time for a nap.

If you need a good laugh like I do right now, check out Jim Gaffigan. He's hilarious.

Attract a man who makes you glad you were born.

Is Your Cell Phone Killing Your Sex Life?

Let's hope not.

I'm very proud of myself because, not only are my Christmas cards written, I've taken a halfway decent photo of the offspring to send with it. (My brother, who is single, jokes that if he receives one more photo of somebody's kids, he is going to start responding by sending photos of himself.)

Christmas parties are fun when you know how to get noticed.

Poison 'Em Some More

I found this novel in a store yesterday and immediately picked it up, attracted by its striking cover. The synopsis on the backside read something like: "What are the chances of meeting a man who's straight, single, and willing to commit?"

Judging by the reviews on Amazon, the book is entertaining. But give me a break! Single, straight, and willing to commit men are hardly an endangered species, and I'm so tired of women's fiction that insists otherwise.

I know a cute single guy with a good job whose dates consistently ask him if he's gay (in case you're wondering, he doesn't possess any gay characteristics). Then they tell him that he has commitment issues because he isn't married. The fact is, the guy would dearly like to meet "the one" and get married, but he's hardly going to ask a woman who insists that he's gay or suffers from commitment issues for a second date. Who needs it?

He keeps asking me why women are so paranoid. I keep telling him it's because too many of them pore over In Touch Magazine every week and buy into the lack-minded crap promoted by the chick lit crowd.

Face it. If you don't believe that good men exist, you're going to dismiss the ones who are as as gay, commitmentphobic, boring, or too nice. If you can't see an opportunity, you'll miss it every time.

The world is full of wonderful men.

Poison 'Em Young

If you've ever wondered why some women are obsessed about having a man, keeping a man, when he's going to call, what he's thinking, and on and on and on, you need only check out the current issues of teen magazines. Girls are programmed to fixate on men from the time they get an allowance.

Teen's cover shouts, "How to Decode Your Crush," as if a girl should handle a boy the way MI6 deals with The Kremlin. I suppose actually talking to the boy would be out of the question. Read his mind instead. Then grow up and wonder why men can't "open up." Why should they open up when women have been trained to carry on entire relationships in our minds?

And then Seventeen counsels, "Make Your Crush Want You," as if that's possible (I know because I was a 13-year-old Seventeen subscriber once, and I tried). Forget about tips for getting into college; the magazine's other cover stories include, "405 Ways to Look Hot (At Every Party)," "Dress Like a Celebrity," and "5 Signs You're Addicted to Attention." Paris Hilton and a depressed-looking kitten serve as cover models.

CosmoGirl! tells impressionable readers how to "Party Like a Celebrity" (the cover features Party Girl Lindsay Lohan, hugging her little sister) and gives them "10 Ways to a Healthier, Hotter Body." My pick for the best cover blurb? "She Says She Was Raped...But Could She Be Lying?"

These magazines promote the idea that girls should take lifestyle and fashion cues from celebrities (the current Teen and Seventeen cover models are renowned for giving crotch shots to paparazzi) and drive themselves to distraction over some dork. If they have the misfortune of being sexually assaulted, they might be better off keeping their mouths shut. Who's going to believe them, anyway?

Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.

Cameron Diaz Is a Commitmentphobe

Apparently, Cameron Diaz told Ellen DeGeneres that she won't marry Justin Timberlake because she's a commitmentphobe. Since the media and society in general assume that it's always the man in a relationship who avoids sealing the deal, I'm so glad Cameron set the record straight.

A lot of women fear commitment. I was one of them, but I only had the vaguest sense of it at the time. I had a gift for attracting (and being attracted to) men with similar issues.

Nobody has to get married. Let's face it; too many women end up with the wrong guy because other people imply they're losers until they have rings on their fingers.

I remember a newly engaged friend's father asking me, "And when are you going to get married?"

"I'm too young," I protested.

"Too young?" the man hooted. "You're already 24!"

You'd think I was hobbling around in orthopedic shoes.

At 27, I realized that I had a full-blown terror of commitment. Seriously. I took steps to resolve it, and I did resolve it. (My book has the details.)

But, unless they're inclined otherwise, people like Cameron Diaz don't have to conquer commitmentphobia. I'll say it again: Nobody has to get married. The last time I looked, it wasn't in the Ten Commandments.

How I got over my fear of commitment.

Do You Have a Vacation to Plan?

The following is an article I sent to my mailing list last year around this time. I've since contacted a reputable cruise planner and am thinking of organizing a short singles' trip to the Bahamas, possibly in the summer.

"The world is a book, and those who do not travel, read only a page."
- Saint Augustine

Does your employer owe you vacation time? If the answer is yes, you have an excellent opportunity to meet exciting new people! Travel for singles has become a booming industry, and for good reason.

Do you love art? History? Picture yourself strolling the ornate halls of Edinburgh Castle with the man who could become your husband. Love to ski? If you sign up for a singles' ski weekend, you could wind up finding the love of your life on the slopes (it happened to Nancy and Mike!). Does romance on the high seas sound appealing? Get thee onto a singles' cruise.

Men who travel tend to be educated and successful. Take Gary, a C.P.A who likes to see the world on two wheels and frequently signs up for singles' bike tours. In July, he rode alongside the crystalline waters off Nova Scotia's Cape Breton Island with scores of like-minded people.

And that's one of the great thing about singles' travel: You're bound to meet others with whom you have something in common. Check out a couple of tour providers, see what they offer, and discern the average age of their participants (make sure you don't end up with the under-30 crowd if you're hoping to meet a man over 40, and vice versa!).

Check the Better Business Bureau to ensure the provider has a record of excellent service, kept promises, and happy customers. Then, take a deep breath, decide where you want to go, and book a trip.

What if you don't have a friend to drag along with you? Swallow hard and book anyway. When I was single I took two vacations by myself (they weren't singles' tours per se, but I stayed in Bed and Breakfasts, forcing me to socialize over rolls and coffee in the morning). I had the time of my life, met fascinating people, and learned a great deal about myself at the same time.

Afraid of looking like a friendless loser by traveling solo? Worry not. You'll look every inch the winner who takes advantage of life's opportunities. If anybody asks (and I truly doubt anyone will) why you're traveling alone, you can say, "I needed a vacation." Who doesn't?

To get started, do a search for tour operators who cater to singles, or query your own friendly neighborhood travel agent for advice. Make sure the tour operator you choose has an excellent safety record, especially if you will be traveling alone.

Will you meet the man of your dreams on a singles' vacation? Maybe. But, chances are, you'll make exciting new friends, who'll introduce you to more new friends, new men, and happy new experiences. You'll also learn a lot about an attractive, confident, smart woman (you!) in the process.

Go for it!

Get noticed.

NBC's Warped Priorities

Although I'm sorry to hear that Greg from The Wiggles
is sick and quitting the group, I am a bit surprised that The Today Show ran the story at 7:20 this morning.

I somehow doubt that the children of Darfur are very banged up about Greg's departure when their parents, friends, and neighbors are being massacred every single day. (To be fair, NBC's Ann Curry is one of the few American journalists who's even covered the genocide.)

If you'd like to help, you can sign an online postcard and ask President Bush to promote peace in the region.

The Aladdin Factor

I bought this book several years ago, put it on a shelf, and forgot about it.

I developed a sudden urge to read it last week, so I scoured my 96 bookcases to find it. I have to say, it's absolutely amazing. If you're like me and sometimes hesitant to ask for what you want (for whatever reason), this book will help you. The first exercise alone blew my mind.



Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.

She Wants Her Ex Back

Dear Terry:

I have one for you: I was married to my ex for 25 years, and our divorce was tragic because we still loved each other. He remarried about two years ago, during which he and his wife have only lived in the same house for six months. They have issues regarding him and me.

Ex and I still love each other and have made an agreement to renew our friendship. I want him back as my husband, and I think he wants the same. We both got hurt very badly. I am able to forgive all that has occurred, yet I don't have a clue on how to regrow a friendship when, for me, the friendship never ended. We are both are cautious, and neither us desires to be hurt.

I have asked him to allow us to set new boundaries, and I could use some help. We are both are very opinionated and strong willed. We have four children and four grandchildren, and at one time we had a wonderful family and marriage. I need help in getting honest communication without manipulation. When my marriage ended, it was due to infidelity.

-D

Dear D-

I understand that you and your ex-husband may very strong feelings for one another. What concerns me is that he is married. If he were to leave his present wife to be with you, would this be a good thing? Would this raise doubts in your own mind about how capable he is of a successful marriage?

You don't say who was unfaithful in your marriage, but if it was he, has he ever examined his reasons for hurting you so profoundly? If it was you, have you thought about your reasons for hurting him?

Would he be willing to communicate more effectively, or at least learn how to do so? You say that you would be, which is a good first step.

If you and he decide that you do want to pursue a love relationship, counseling would be your very best hope. A good counselor could help you communicate and determine the reasons for the infidelity in your marriage, so that you are both less likely to be hurt again. He or she may be even able to help you develop the trust necessary for a happy relationship.

Since you do have children and grandchildren together, family counseling is probably a good idea. You'll probably have to see each other regularly regardless what type of relationship you pursue.

I realize that you're in pain, and I hope this helps.

Terry

Turn his head.

Dazzle 'Em Cheaply

As we kick off party season, it always good to head out in one's black velvet coat with sparkling white teeth. For many years, I was what my dentist calls, "a good candidate for bleaching," due to my love for tea and red wine (which I am not willing to give up).

I thought about bleaching but decided to try drugstore remedies first. I tried the whitening strips, only to end up wandering around the house lisping and feeling as if I had eaten a roll of scotch tape. Then I tried all sorts of toothpastes, starting with the more expensive ones because I assumed they'd be more effective.

While visiting a friend in September, I happened upon a copy of Consumer Reports, which named Ultra Brite toothpaste the best stuff on the market. I immediately wheeled over to my local retailer and picked up a tube for about two dollars.

Sure enough, people are now complimenting me on the whiteness of my teeth. Child 2 has stopped complaining, "Man, Mommy, your teeth are yellow."

Ultra Brite works.

If you can't get to the store, buy it from Drugstore.com for $2.19.

Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.

Rocky Horror and Sugar Plums

Tension reached operatic proportions on Thanksgiving when Peter and I got lost in the night rain near Route 22 in New Jersey. The sign at the state entrance should include a photo of Peter with a red circle and a slash across it. Peter hates New Jersey, and by the number of times we've gotten lost there, the feeling is mutual.

He winds himself up into a frenzy before we even leave the house about going to "that godforsaken state" (even though one of his oldest friends and much of my family lives there). If you believe in the Law of Attraction, as I most certainly do, the guy set us up for disaster on Thursday.

We ended up getting cut off on Route 1-9, careening up a curb, and mangling our front right rim and tire. The scene reminded me of the one in The Rocky Horror Picture Show, where Brad and Janet's tire blew out, necessitating their visit to the Frankenstein Place. But Brad and Janet didn't have two freaked out children quivering in their back seat.

We made a call to Aunt L's and asked her to start dinner without us, but she wouldn't. Peter managed to creep the car into a Daffy's parking lot, so my cousin, K, and her boyfriend the podiatrist (both of whom knew the area well) offered to drive over and fish us out. We made it to a lovely dinner about an hour later without additional drama, although I did pour myself a monster glass of wine as soon as we arrived.

Yesterday morning at breakfast my cousin, K2, told me a story: His mother (my aunt) used to make him stepdance at assemblies at his school on Staten Island. For the rest of the year, all the other boys--who descended from cultures that did not include males hopping around in skirts--would knock him against the wall in the boys' room and shriek, "Dance for me! Are ya gonna dance for me?"

Eventually, K2 had an idea. He made a deal with his mother that if he made the basketball team, he could quit stepdancing. Fortunately, he was a natural athlete and had almost closed in on his full height of 6'5 3/4 inches. (He didn't tell me this, but he later became a team star and local celebrity.)

I guess you can overcome just about anything if you can overcome being a male stepdancer on Staten Island.

I'm told my brother-in-law is currently perched atop a ladder decorating his house for Christmas, so the holiday season is officially upon us. Be good to yourself and stay away from sugar. It's worse than I thought.

Before you go to the party, you must be able to do this.

His Parents Don't Approve of the Relationship...

Hi, Terry-

I just downloaded your e-book and am going thru it. I got the right man, and I am dating him for the past year. But the problem is his family is not accepting for our marriage, and he doesn't want to go against his family. But I want to marry him because I feel he is Mr. Right for me. Please guide me.

Thanks,
-S

Hello, S-

I am very sorry that your man's family is resistant to your marriage. I know of two couples who weathered similar circumstances with different results:

E and R's parents opposed their marriage due to religious differences. Neither E or R wanted to hurt their families, so they broke off their relationship. It hurt, but they did it.

B and L also came from different backgrounds. All of B's family's marriages had been arranged, including his parents' and his two sisters.' B explained to his parents that, as much as he loved them, L was the woman he was going to marry, and they would have to accept her into their family. They did, and now L and B are expecting their fourth child.

The thing is, S, there is nothing you can do to convince your boyfriend to stand up to his parents. He must make that decision on his own.If he doesn't want to "go against" them, then why is he wasting your time? You deserve better than this.

It would be sad if you missed out on an opportunity to meet and marry a wonderful man because you have been distracted this one.I understand that you care a great deal for your boyfriend and cannot just turn off your emotions, but he has a decision to make. And once he makes it, you need to make a decision, too.

I hope this helps.

Terry

Hi, Terry-

Thank you for taking time and writing to me.

Yes, I was reluctant to accept the fact, but after reading the book How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Drams, I made up my mind that I will follow all your principles and wait for the right man to come into my life. Please keep up your emails.

Thanks.
-S

Flirting made easy.

Hungry Girl

While surfing local newspaper sites in search of reviews for the recently released movie, Fast Food Nation, I came upon this recipe for a slimming version of sweet potato pie. It looks absolutely amazing, except I would substitute stevia, a natural sweetener, for Splenda.

Intrigued, I followed the link a the bottom of the article to Hungry Girl, a website offering "tips and tricks for hungry chicks." Which would be me.

Subscribers to my mailing list know I live to entertain. Unfortunately, I also love to eat and fought a weight problem for years. So Hungry Girl and her site seem to be right up my alley.

HG seems to emphasize being able to enjoy food while looking great and staying healthy, rather than trying to compete with Eva Longoria to slip into the teeniest bikini on Rodeo Drive.

By the way, I'm taking the advice I give my readers this Saturday. I'm throwing a little football gathering, and we're rooting for Notre Dame!

Stop dating bad boys who hurt you and nice guys who bore you blind. Attract a man who'll actually make you happy for the rest of your life. You deserve nothing less!

Learn the Rules of Attraction

These books changed my life. I'll bet they'll change yours, too.



"So let's be reminded that whatever we fix our thoughs upon or steadily focus our imaginations upon, that is what we attract. This is no mere play of words. It is a fact which anyone can prove to his own satisfaction. Whether the results come through magnetic or electrical energy is something still undetermined; while man hasn't been able to define it, manifestations of thought-attraction can be seen on every hand."

-From The Magic of Believing, by Claude Bristol



"When you open your eyes in the morning, say to yourself, "I choose happiness today. I choose success today. I choose right action today. I choose love and good will for all today. I choose peace today. Pour life, love, and interest into this affirmation, and you have chosen happiness."

-From The Power of Your Subconscious Mind , by Dr. Joseph Murphy



"There are so many ways that affirmations can be used powerfully and effectively to give you a more positive, creative outlook and to help you achieve specific goals.

Remember, it's important to feel relaxed as you affirm. Do not be addicted to getting results. Remember that you already are everything you need; every improvement is just icing on the cake."

-From Creative Visulization ,by Shakti Gawain



"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."

-Matthew 7:6-8, New International Version

Even shy girls can learn how to do this.

She Made My Day

Received this letter in response to a tip I sent to my mailing list.
earlier this week. This smart woman offers great advice and describes her triumph after getting rid of an insecure, oppressive man:

Hello there, Terry:

How right you are on every count.

I was madly in love (or so I thought) with a man who hated that I was being promoted (as we worked together). I thought it was just macho jealousy and tried hard to down play all my ideas, and all he did was be moody. I got rumours that he had indeed cheated on me one weekend, but as I had no proof, and I did not want it to be true I choose to ignore it.

Fast forward two years, a move to another country, a dying father and then finding out I was pregnant, we see a man competing with my father for my affection, would not let me go out with friends alone as he was so insecure and gave me no emotional help when my father died or help in getting things ready for our child. In fact, he looked in disgust at everything remotely to do with children. Then he not only had an affair but brought the girl back to our house for some fun when I was 8 months pregnant. That killed it off for me, but it took another two years for him to be truly out of our lives.

I was a person with good social skills who was well liked, very attractive, and had a wonderful, full life. So it shows you can be really dumb and blind and pay for it in a huge way. Now my daughter is four, and I am finally finding I have a life again. I advise anyone with a insecure man to dump him before you forget who you are and then have to fight just to get your life back. I'm on my own now and loving every free, peaceful, wonderful moment to do simple things without having to hide everything just to live.

Would I let someone in my life again? It would have to be someone really, really special and secure, because I deserve nothing less. EVER.

Thank you for your advice, wish I got it four years ago in one sense, but in another I have an incredible little girl, who was never in my plans. I can't even begin to imagine having lived without her adorable smile.

Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.

Beautiful Skin is In

In case you hadn't noticed, I'm a skin care fiend. This is nothing new; I've been at it since 7th grade. Learned something else about rosacea this morning when my friend, C, emailed me this revealing article.

The irony is that another woman and I met yesterday at Panera Bread and discussed this very subject, how one's PH balance affects health. I understand that low PH levels invite all sorts of disease, including cancer. After reading the article I understand that they also affect one's complexion, which makes sense.

Fortunately, diet plays an enormous factor in determining PH.

I followed the link at the bottom of the article to learn which foods are low PH (or acidic) and which are high (or alkaline) and came up with this.

Apparently, every single thing I ate and drank at the Amazing V's Silpada party last night was deadly acidic, so I tested my PH this morning with the strips that had been languishing in a my file drawer. I am indeed scarily acidic.

Will devour a pile of lemons momentarily (they're alkaline)!

In another freakish twist, Rosie O'Donnell is right this second discussing her battle with rosacea on The View . She said it disappeared after she took Ayurvedic pills that were recommended to her by a man sitting next to her at a Barbra Streisand concert.

Attract the man of your dreams.

People Have Gotten Married After Doing This

In my zeal to tell you about a great idea to meet men in the post below, I neglected to tell you to click here to sign up for this free and very fun service.

Sorry!

Isn't it time someone threw you a shower for a change?

Meet Men By Mail (It's Not What You Think)

You don't have to be Irish to take advantage of the free Irish penpals program. You don't even have to write to an Irishman if you don't want to. I've made French, German, and English friends through it, and they're all women.

But you can request a male friend. The following testimonial appeared in the September issue of the entertaining Information About Ireland Site Newsletter:

Hi. My name is David, and about 4 years ago, I visited your site. I read a message from a woman in Germany and replied to it. We found that we had a lot in common and wrote to each other for about a year. We were both divorced, and neither one of us were looking for any kind of relationship other than emails. To make a long story short, I met the love of my life through your web site and we have been married for two-and-a-half years now.

Thanks,
David Ison
Miami, Florida

Bewitch him.